don't sit here

One of the blessings (and curses) of modern technology is the speed with which information travels. Occasionally I will see a status update or tweet from someone along the lines of 'fat smelly guy approaching, hope he doesn't sit next to me'
or 'weirdo sat next to me trying to talk to me, help!' These sort of messages are invariably from youngish females.
So now I wonder, when I get on a crowded bus, is she frantically texting that she hopes I don't sit near her?; is she dissing me to her friends?.

It's not only females who have these thoughts though, I know I do. There are certain people on my morning bus ride who I pray won't sit next to me (and one or two I hope will) Usually it's a decision made on size or odour, I'm not a massive person but the bus seats aren't over generous and I hate being squashed.
It's interesting to watch the body language though, how people shuffle either across a seat or squash into the side to make the vacancy either appealing or virtually non-existent. The old guy ,spread legs pose takes up loads of room even if the user looks like they have a serious hydrocele or ill fitting pants. Bags are great for taking space and once or twice I have either sat on someones bag or politely asked them to move it.

secret lives

There are times when on a bus journey when I don't feel like reading and lack the inspiration to write. At these times I tend to observe my fellow passengers (some more than others) and imagine their lives. Following this train of thought does sometimes give me ideas for writing and it passes the time.
Recently I have discovered a new tool to aid me in my amusement\research - bluetooth!
All I have to do is go to the bluetooth on my phone and scan for new contacts and in no time at all I have a list of bluetooth devices in range. I'm not so much interested in the ones that are just a device name and apart from looking around to try to put names to faces stuff like Sue or Sue's phone are of limited value. The ones I like are the nicknames because then i can really have fun trying to fit nicknames to people, could 'fuzzmop' be the woman over there with frizzy hair? Is 'beaky' the guy with a rather large nose? who's 'donkey'? and why?
Suddenly a whole world of secret life possibilities is available and i have some possibly wonderful situations and characterizations for future use.

Just one thing I'd really like to know, who IS 'spunk gobbler'?

An enlightening conversation

Was stood at the bus stop a few days ago when a young man approached.

'Number 4 stop here?' he asked

'don't know' I replied

'you don't know?'

'no, sorry mate'

(there was a lengthly pause and then)

'What you waiting for?'

'number 770'

'does that stop here'

'yes'

'but the 4 doesn't?'

' I don't know'

'can you catch number 4?'

'I could'

'does it come this way?'

'DON'T KNOW'



luckily my bus (that's the 770 not the 4) came at this point.

(Not so) private dancer

As I made my weary way home from work yesterday all I could think about was lying down and sleeping forever.

The bus was crowded, no seats at all (not even one next to an incontinent old guy with a bottle in a paper bag and a decades long collection of BO)

I stood near the front holding onto a pole.I really didn't feel like performing my legendary pole dance but the motion of the bus sort of swung me around my pole a little and a small boy laughed at me. There are several ways to react when someone laughs at you but this is my way. I did it again, I did it with both hands, with one. I swung a little left and a bit more to the right. A few more people smiled or laughed (and one frowned).

I was so tired but somehow making a few people smile gave me a boost.

I am awaiting a regular booking hehe