shrinking violets

A few years ago I was on holiday and decided to go for a session in the spa. It was continental night so all attire was left at the door. Sat in the sauna chatting with a middle aged woman (I never thought I'd be able to have a normal conversation with a woman while we were both naked lol). We were watching people jumping into the cold (and I do mean cold) plunge pool and, as is often the case it was a matter of honour for the guys to brave this.
My new friend chuckled and said
'Look at them brave lads they go in there so proud. What a pity they sneak out so sheepishly

Do you like fanny?

so asked my co worker today.
Apparently the area we were working is a favourite with the cleansing team because it is a largely student area and at 7.30 in the morning lots of young females are wandering around their bedrooms semi clothed. It seems that students are so poor (or landlords so mean) that they often don't have curtains and, if my co worker is to be believed, these young ladies have no shame.

I should explain that the word fanny was used in the English rather than the US context.

Regarding Naked toads

Because a number of you have received a certain calendar featuring semi naked football players the time has come to address a very important issue.

I know that you are all absolutely dying for me to bring out the naked toad calendar and, to be honest, there is a part of me which yearns for the fame and adoration that it would bring.

BUT

I am sorry to disappoint you all. I am no the man I once pretended to be and the window of opportunity for such an action has passed.

Please understand that I have made this decision with your best interests at heart.
I could sell you a dream but then we would end up getting into costly litigation when I failed to deliver.

The nekkid toad (big in plastic)

I posted this a few weeks back but I want people to read it so I'm re-posting it! I was hoping this would be the first in a new line to challenge that bimbo Barbie.Of course there is a desperate need for more specialized Toadee dolls and in the spirit of the moment I approached a major manufacturer to suggest a nekkid Toadee doll.Here is a short except from the discussion which may help you to understand why the nekkid Toadee isn't going into production just yet.

T = Toadee
CE = Chief executive

T: I really think this could work, Ken made it big, why not Toadee?

CE: I have to say we have looked very carefully at your proposal and there are some issues.

T: Issues? ok, lets get them on the table

CE: ah, well I'm not sure we should be putting these issues on the table

T: sorry you've lost me

CE :(sotto voce) I wishCE: well the thing is, ken was, well, lacking in certain areas

T: ?

CE: he was well, not all Barbie might have hoped for, a disappointment, not all there, less than a whole man.

T: ah, got ya, but that needn't be a problem here, The toadee doll must be 100% realistic.

CE: that IS the problem

T: no, don't tell me, if you were to add the bits Ken don't have AND be realistic the cost of the extra plastic would be too high. Am I right or am I right?

CE: can I be blunt? thank you. The thing is we have spent a lot of money making scale models and market testing. The model we used was 100% accurate everything was in the proportions found on a real toadee.

T: woohoo, world plastic shortage? fainting ladies? massive fan club?

CE: actually none of the above

T: so what's the problem?

CE: we showed the Nekkid Toadee doll to 100 people
10% laughed
10% Cried
50% said that we should add something down below
20% couldn't see any difference between the Nekkid Toadee and a naked Ken
and 10% offered money for the specialist surgery for whoever the doll was based on.

so that's why you won't be getting a nekkid toadee doll in your stocking next Christmas.

Of course this is all a work of fiction (or is it?)

Hot and bothered

While I was driving today it was so hot in the cab and so, like many of my fellow drivers I was driving topless.

what bothered me though was that so many of the drivers sport rather magnificent bellys and 'man boobs' due to the fact that we spend so long sitting.

If I'm going to drive long term then i need to make sure I put in some exercise time.