nothing really

I suppose we all go through phases when we aren't writing much and the idea fairy takes a break....
Anyway i decided to just sir down and type so goodness only knows what will emerge. It's been am up and down few weeks. As usual I'm spending far to much time on facebook. I've made a few new friends on there and having road tested them I have a fairly good idea which will work out and which won't. Friendship is always a bit of a risk, especially in the early days when you are sort of feeling your way but you do get a feel for who people are whilst swapping silly comments and poking.
I am constantly thinking about a very special friend who I know has had a tough time of late, I never stop thinking about her, usually I keep a positive spin on things but now and again the old negativity creeps in, that happened last night, I really plummeted and really suddenly but luckily my most stalwart friend happened to be on line and a simple hug arrested my fall (who would believe that several sets of brackets could do so much - perhaps there's a story or poem in that 'saved by parenthesis')

Hospital in the morning, would you believe this will be the first time I've seen the cardiologist on my own, not through my choice! At least I'll be able to talk about my issues without being contradicted or rubbished.

I'm loving my job at the moment, perhaps because I am working alone and being allowed to make decisions. Got some really nice compliments from customers today and asked one customer the question we've been dying to know for ages- what sort of doctor are you? she's a forensic psychologist, a real live cracker?

On the writing front there isn't much happening but I'm pleased to note that my Helium earnings are now at $32

heart on sleeve and make believe

I have always been one to wear my heart on my sleeve, as some readers may know, but anyone who has started reading this recently will not be aware of this because it has been winter here in the northern hemisphere and rather cold. OK, so already people are re-reading that first sentence and wondering just how it makes sense well never mind, we'll come back to that.
One of those facebook fortune tellers gave me some advice earlier. She advised that I discuss my dream with the one I love and there lies the problem or problems. Firstly I have several dreams each night and remember bits of some of them (the good bits) but she may have meant my life dream, my dream future who knows (these fortune tellers get away with a lot by being mystically vague). The second problem is, which one that I love? I love my mum, I love several members of my family, I love some of my friends and I love some more than others. So, is the dream in question the one that really sticks in my mind from last night and if so should i discuss it with my mum (who would no doubt enjoy the level of sexual knowledge\content in my dreams) or with one of my friends who might be surprised\shocked\excited that she starred in my dream.
There again, perhaps I was supposed to discuss my life dream but Mum doesn't need to know yet and the person it concerns already knows. So having said that perhaps it's just as well that I'm not wearing my heart on my sleeve today because that might be a little embarrassing for the 'big crush'.

Oh yes, obviously in winter no-one is aware I'm wearing my heart on my sleeve because I nearly always have my coat on.

take heart

having not blogged for months I now find myself writing the 3rd blog of the day. Talk about opening flood gates.

On Christmas day I started on the medication that I will probably be on for the rest of my life. It's a beta blocker and it is supposed to stop my heart going into arythmia (because I have been diagnosed with Long Q-T syndrome). When they told me I had this syndrome I actually laughed because it is at it's most dangerousin the teens and can be fatal. So there i was laughing in the face of death. The consultant talked to me about medication, I was goin gto say don't bother but he said there was still a risk and that the medication would reduce this by 50%. Being a coward I went for the longer life option. THEN he says we will have to be careful because I already have a tachycardic sinus rhythm so the medication might make it too slow.
(sorry I'm rambling).
So here I am a week into medication and every day I have a strange sensation in my chest. Unfortunately I have also suffered from anxiety so that muddies the water. he point is suddenly it's not a joke any more and I'm scared.
I have things, important things, I want to do with my life and the reminder that I am mortal worries me. I suddenly feel that I want to rush into things that should take time and that upsets the balance.

Oh well, that's enough of that, I've ranted enough :0)

A syndrome, no less!

you may remember last year that I told you my son had been diagnosed with a heart condition called long Q-T syndrome.
Well, the news is that I have found out today that I have it too. It is a hereditary condition and we now have to find out whether it started with me or whether one of my parents has it.
My main concern is for my children as the condition can cause sudden death, they will be tested but it takes a while for the results to come through.
The hospital have given me a long list of drugs i should avoid (I've had quite a few lol) and advised against strenuous exercise (you've got to laugh, I've been a runner for years).
At least now Jack has someone else in the family who he can relate to.

Genetic counselling

Some people may remember me saying that my son Jack had been diagnosed with long Q-T syndrome.
Yesterday we went to see the geneticist to find out whether he had a 'Long Q-T' gene; he does.
The next stage was for Jacqueline and I to have repeat ECG and to give blood for genetic testing. Rebecca, our eldest daughter happened to be with us so she had an ECG too.
We sat in a room with the doctor as he gave us our results. Rebecca, you have a good trace, no problem there. Jacqueline, hmmmmmmmm, a little slow, you're in the grey area. Tim, this is where I worry you, you have a slower trace, this doesn't mean you have the condition but if I asked a group of heart specialists who had passed it to Jack you would be the favourite.
Our blood tests will be back in a few months. Two negative means it's just Jack, one\two positives mean tests for all our children and possible tests for our parents. I'll keep you posted.

my wife's startling revelation

Today my wife and I went to the hospital to be wired up for our 24 hour ambulatory heart monitoring. when the technician was preparing to attatch the electrodes to my chest she shaved a small area (no doubt as a kindness when the time comes to remove the adhesive pad). I commented on this hair removal to my wife and she looked at me with genuine puzzlement and said 'oh, she didn't do that for me'

I know I'm not the most observant of people but how did I miss this lush growth on my wife's chest?

stress

I was telling my manager that, at some stage in the near future, I would be having a 24hour heart recording as part of the investigation into possible genetic factors in my son's heart condition. The idea is that you are wired up to a portable device and get on with your normal activities. My manager suggested that whilst wearing the device I might be better not driving the library van as that wold be a cause of stress.
Two points: The doctor wants me to undergo the stresses that I have normally so that he can see how the heart copes and I don't find driving stressful. The fact is that I feel more stressed when I'm a passenger, this is probably because passengers have no control and not, I hasten to add, because of my colleague's driving.

The heart of my family

Spent a couple of days last week visiting the hospital regarding Jack's (my youngest)heart problem. We have seem a genetacist and a sa result Partner and I will be having 24 hour heart recordings. We have already had ECG which showed that we both have a slightly lengthened QT gap (the doc said that mine might be due to me being an athlete lol).

I just keep thinking how weird it would be at 46 to be told that I have a heart condition which might wipe me out in my teens unless I begin treatment

hidden heart 55

For safety and a quiet life
immune from things that hurt.
I hid my heart to keep it safe.
I locked it away so it couldn't be touched.
Steel doors, sealed tight
reinforced hinges, the most ingenious locks
gigantic bolts,iron chains.
All welded closed for eternity.
Trust you to squeeze through the open window

an offal 55

(with thanks to Jesse for giving me the idea!)

I only saw you briefly as you appraised my sausage but I loved your rump and I've never seen a better presented breast or leaner leg.

So, if we meat again (and if you don't think I'm fowl or a complete ham) I will give you all my heart and perhaps we can liver little