I have been decidedly shaky in the emotion department lately so this morning I went to see my doctor. She had a chat with me and has restarted my anti-depressants which I'm feeling pretty crap about. She advised me not to make any big decisions for a while but on my return home I sort of got talked into a corner and ended up sort of revealing my half formed feelings and showing my hand.
I'm feeling shitty at the moment but I still don't know where I'm going so bear with me.
oh and to finish the day nicely I got (admittedly mild) hate mail because I didn't answer someone's message quickly enough!
Showing posts with label future. Show all posts
Showing posts with label future. Show all posts
Monday, 4 January 2010
Saturday, 2 January 2010
take heart
having not blogged for months I now find myself writing the 3rd blog of the day. Talk about opening flood gates.
On Christmas day I started on the medication that I will probably be on for the rest of my life. It's a beta blocker and it is supposed to stop my heart going into arythmia (because I have been diagnosed with Long Q-T syndrome). When they told me I had this syndrome I actually laughed because it is at it's most dangerousin the teens and can be fatal. So there i was laughing in the face of death. The consultant talked to me about medication, I was goin gto say don't bother but he said there was still a risk and that the medication would reduce this by 50%. Being a coward I went for the longer life option. THEN he says we will have to be careful because I already have a tachycardic sinus rhythm so the medication might make it too slow.
(sorry I'm rambling).
So here I am a week into medication and every day I have a strange sensation in my chest. Unfortunately I have also suffered from anxiety so that muddies the water. he point is suddenly it's not a joke any more and I'm scared.
I have things, important things, I want to do with my life and the reminder that I am mortal worries me. I suddenly feel that I want to rush into things that should take time and that upsets the balance.
Oh well, that's enough of that, I've ranted enough :0)
On Christmas day I started on the medication that I will probably be on for the rest of my life. It's a beta blocker and it is supposed to stop my heart going into arythmia (because I have been diagnosed with Long Q-T syndrome). When they told me I had this syndrome I actually laughed because it is at it's most dangerousin the teens and can be fatal. So there i was laughing in the face of death. The consultant talked to me about medication, I was goin gto say don't bother but he said there was still a risk and that the medication would reduce this by 50%. Being a coward I went for the longer life option. THEN he says we will have to be careful because I already have a tachycardic sinus rhythm so the medication might make it too slow.
(sorry I'm rambling).
So here I am a week into medication and every day I have a strange sensation in my chest. Unfortunately I have also suffered from anxiety so that muddies the water. he point is suddenly it's not a joke any more and I'm scared.
I have things, important things, I want to do with my life and the reminder that I am mortal worries me. I suddenly feel that I want to rush into things that should take time and that upsets the balance.
Oh well, that's enough of that, I've ranted enough :0)
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