Life can be very confusing I have found and I, like many others, seek to develop 'life rules' and principles that I can apply to my life to make it more straight forward. One of the big rules for me is that I don't break promises and yes I do fail in this sometimes but I like to think that when I promise something I will make every effort to deliver.
I just believe that 'promise' is used too lightly these days and that this devalues my promise because no-one really believes me when I say I promise I will always.....
The problem is that I make to many promises and I really do get bogged down with them. I promise to attend a function and I will be there even if something better comes along; promise to take the kids somewhere and it will be done even if I'm knackered; promise to be there for someone and I am, always. I believe that a promise lasts until it is fulfilled or until the promisee releases me from my promise.
I can't remember what the point of this blog was now but I promise that if I remember I'll come back and finish it.
Sunday, 28 March 2010
Saturday, 27 March 2010
the real deal
Tonight I shall be at the pub. Not a normal Saturday for a toad but on this occasion I feel justified. Eldest daughter and I are helping out at a fun casino night in aid of a local hospice so I shall be at the tables, probably dealing blackjack, and trying to be charming. I would like to say that I am giving my services free but, the deal has been struck between the organiser and my partner and daughter and there will be a payment. The way i see it is that I won't see the money anyway so I might as well tell the charity to keep the money lol.
Friday, 26 March 2010
crazy toad hits the road
that title may be misleading as I didn't hit anything and my sanity isn't an established fact.
However.....
I realise in my odd moments of lucidity that I must appear rather, odd as I bowl along in my bright red library van, singing happily to myself and grinning like a Cheshire cat. I do enjoy my work and further, I enjoy my trip to work, I enjoy driving between stops and I enjoy going home.
travelling gives me chance to smile at more people and, driving is a great occupation for someone who likes to let their mind go wild. I have all my best (not that that's saying much) ideas as I drive and often begin the writing of poems in my head. Often I forget everything if there are customers waiting but these are the perils of the travelling library and no-one said it would be easy. Actually a lot of people say it's easy but don't let word get out.
You would be amazed at the stuff that goes on in my head as I drive (certainly scares me) and often's the time I've found myself grinning, what must my fellow motorists think?
However.....
I realise in my odd moments of lucidity that I must appear rather, odd as I bowl along in my bright red library van, singing happily to myself and grinning like a Cheshire cat. I do enjoy my work and further, I enjoy my trip to work, I enjoy driving between stops and I enjoy going home.
travelling gives me chance to smile at more people and, driving is a great occupation for someone who likes to let their mind go wild. I have all my best (not that that's saying much) ideas as I drive and often begin the writing of poems in my head. Often I forget everything if there are customers waiting but these are the perils of the travelling library and no-one said it would be easy. Actually a lot of people say it's easy but don't let word get out.
You would be amazed at the stuff that goes on in my head as I drive (certainly scares me) and often's the time I've found myself grinning, what must my fellow motorists think?
Thursday, 25 March 2010
easily amused
now this may get a little frightening so don't be afraid to run away.
Today I have been thinking about lap dancing (which means this blog will get more hits than usual)
Now I'm aware, without being vain, that I'm a bit of a sex god but on this occasion I wasn't thinking about performing a lap dance although that isn't a definite no because I do need money and\or appreciation constantly. Oh no, today i was thinking about receiving a lap dance, which I haven't (who has money to spare for these basic needs these days). In actual fact I've only ever been in a lap dance club once. And it was closed. And I was only there to service the sanitary bins. I digress, which may be the safer course, so, i was saying, I was thinking about being the recipient of a lap dance, wondering, I suppose, what it feels like etc etc.
I think I would feel rather uncomfortable, I'm ok with nudity, I've done it, and I'm ok with dancing, I've tried to do it but the whole 'you will perform for me' thing is contrary to my nature and I'm sure I'd be saying 'have a sit down, love, let me do a bit for you.
I mean, you chose a woman who conforms to your idea of beauty\sexiness whatever and then she effectively does the old mating dance right in front of you and gets her kit off AND YOU CAN'T TOUCH! that's not natural (I'm not saying a man has the right to take what he wants from a woman so don't start preaching feminist stuff at me). What I'm saying is that if i (assuming I feel free to seek a partner) see a woman who I think is wonderful and sexy and lovely blah, blah and she likes to discuss poetry and literature and doesn't take life too seriously etc what should i do, should I offer her some money so that she can get me rather uncomfortably turned on then dash off to the toilets to give myself a consolation prize or should I engage her in conversation, dazzle her with my wit, charm her with my gentlemanly manners and then invite her back for coffee and confess that I do have this fantasy as I slip on some sexy music..........
Today I have been thinking about lap dancing (which means this blog will get more hits than usual)
Now I'm aware, without being vain, that I'm a bit of a sex god but on this occasion I wasn't thinking about performing a lap dance although that isn't a definite no because I do need money and\or appreciation constantly. Oh no, today i was thinking about receiving a lap dance, which I haven't (who has money to spare for these basic needs these days). In actual fact I've only ever been in a lap dance club once. And it was closed. And I was only there to service the sanitary bins. I digress, which may be the safer course, so, i was saying, I was thinking about being the recipient of a lap dance, wondering, I suppose, what it feels like etc etc.
I think I would feel rather uncomfortable, I'm ok with nudity, I've done it, and I'm ok with dancing, I've tried to do it but the whole 'you will perform for me' thing is contrary to my nature and I'm sure I'd be saying 'have a sit down, love, let me do a bit for you.
I mean, you chose a woman who conforms to your idea of beauty\sexiness whatever and then she effectively does the old mating dance right in front of you and gets her kit off AND YOU CAN'T TOUCH! that's not natural (I'm not saying a man has the right to take what he wants from a woman so don't start preaching feminist stuff at me). What I'm saying is that if i (assuming I feel free to seek a partner) see a woman who I think is wonderful and sexy and lovely blah, blah and she likes to discuss poetry and literature and doesn't take life too seriously etc what should i do, should I offer her some money so that she can get me rather uncomfortably turned on then dash off to the toilets to give myself a consolation prize or should I engage her in conversation, dazzle her with my wit, charm her with my gentlemanly manners and then invite her back for coffee and confess that I do have this fantasy as I slip on some sexy music..........
Monday, 22 March 2010
Just to let you know
Yesterday My partner requested that I find alternative accomodation for myself (this is the shortened version of events) by the end of this week so I guess I'll start looking. There may be some disruption to my blogging etc.
Friday, 19 March 2010
Don't you just hate genes
As you may know My son, Jack was diagnosed with Long Q-T syndrome a while ago and then I was found to have the same gene late last year. As a result of this my parents were tested as were Jacks siblings. Yesterday was results day. We now know that my dad has the gene (and passed it to me) and Rebecca and Sophie also have it. There is supposed to be a 50% chance of inheriting the gene so it appears that maths wasn't god's strong point. Thomas is now the onlt one of my children who hasn't received this special gift from me.
I continue to worry about the effect this condition will have on them all although for myself I just carry on much as I did. The children have all their lives ahead of them and they now have to re-examine their hopes and aspirations. Sophie actually said to the genetacist 'I am not going to change anything, I'm not taking beta-blockers and I'm not slowing down, I will enjoy my life however long it is'
I actually feel the same, I only have one more thing on my list of 'must do' and I'm not going to write it on a public blog (not that it's a great secret).
If you have a god, ask your god\godess to smile on us. If you don't have a deity then feel free to join anyone else who feels like it in smiling because a world full of smiles is bound to be fun.
I continue to worry about the effect this condition will have on them all although for myself I just carry on much as I did. The children have all their lives ahead of them and they now have to re-examine their hopes and aspirations. Sophie actually said to the genetacist 'I am not going to change anything, I'm not taking beta-blockers and I'm not slowing down, I will enjoy my life however long it is'
I actually feel the same, I only have one more thing on my list of 'must do' and I'm not going to write it on a public blog (not that it's a great secret).
If you have a god, ask your god\godess to smile on us. If you don't have a deity then feel free to join anyone else who feels like it in smiling because a world full of smiles is bound to be fun.
Thursday, 18 March 2010
the secret life of toads
I have an admission to make
I like to visit friendship\dating sites.
So am i one of these sleazy old married men who pose as someone else in order to lure young innocents to a terrible fate? well hopefully not!
Just suspend your belief for a moment.Firstly I don't mean the 'sex' sites and I use my real age and marital status and I'm upfront about who I am and the reason I am there. I'm there because I like to say nice things to people (it gives me a buzz) and, if I'm honest I like people to compliment me. My favourite place at the moment is Social me (on Face book) because all I do is tag people with tags such as funny, cute, pretty, drunk. I tend to avoid tags like sexy an hot because that gives the wrong signal.
Normally I don't have any communication but now and again there might be a short chat. Yesterday I tagged someone as cute and she replied that i was cute too. I explained about liking to make people feel good and she agreed that we were both happy to have been affirmed.
Very rarely someone might 'come on' to me but they won't get anywhere because , I am a married man AND heart, soul and body belong to someone special.
I like to visit friendship\dating sites.
So am i one of these sleazy old married men who pose as someone else in order to lure young innocents to a terrible fate? well hopefully not!
Just suspend your belief for a moment.Firstly I don't mean the 'sex' sites and I use my real age and marital status and I'm upfront about who I am and the reason I am there. I'm there because I like to say nice things to people (it gives me a buzz) and, if I'm honest I like people to compliment me. My favourite place at the moment is Social me (on Face book) because all I do is tag people with tags such as funny, cute, pretty, drunk. I tend to avoid tags like sexy an hot because that gives the wrong signal.
Normally I don't have any communication but now and again there might be a short chat. Yesterday I tagged someone as cute and she replied that i was cute too. I explained about liking to make people feel good and she agreed that we were both happy to have been affirmed.
Very rarely someone might 'come on' to me but they won't get anywhere because , I am a married man AND heart, soul and body belong to someone special.
A strange dream
Last night I had the strangest dream, (argg earworm) actually it was the night before but I'm slow to blog.
As is often the case the details of the dream have eluded me but the overall theme gave e pause for thought.
I dreamed that i was a super hero and throughout the dream I encountered many friends I know from the net and, in each case, sorted out\fixed\made better some issue they were facing. If my memory serves me correctly the issues were all real ones that I am aware those friends have.
The interesting thing was that my power was such that it acted in a covert manner and no-one knew I had done anything except me so, there were no adoring fans or ticker tape parades just a lot of happier people and a happy Tim.
So, it seems to me that this dream was about wish fulfilment, I often wish I could do something to help friends but as i am there is little I can do.Give me the power and this is what i would do, help out those I care about, rescue them from crappy situations, restore broken links, give health etc.
I'm not even sure if you can be a super hero if no-one knows you're doing anything.....
As is often the case the details of the dream have eluded me but the overall theme gave e pause for thought.
I dreamed that i was a super hero and throughout the dream I encountered many friends I know from the net and, in each case, sorted out\fixed\made better some issue they were facing. If my memory serves me correctly the issues were all real ones that I am aware those friends have.
The interesting thing was that my power was such that it acted in a covert manner and no-one knew I had done anything except me so, there were no adoring fans or ticker tape parades just a lot of happier people and a happy Tim.
So, it seems to me that this dream was about wish fulfilment, I often wish I could do something to help friends but as i am there is little I can do.Give me the power and this is what i would do, help out those I care about, rescue them from crappy situations, restore broken links, give health etc.
I'm not even sure if you can be a super hero if no-one knows you're doing anything.....
Monday, 15 March 2010
sleepless with some prattle
bear with me.
yesterday i went along to watch my daughter, Soph, playing football.Her team only had 9 players so they were under strength and had no subs. Early in the second half Soph did one of her legendary sliding tackles which normally results in the opposing player giving her a wide berth for the rest of the match (if they are still able to walk). They lost the match 7-4 and after a brief stop for coke and chips Soph headed of to the gym and did 3 hours there.
Jump to yesterday evening. Soph complains that her knee is painful but we all think it will be ok (just a slight swelling). At 10 pm She is in a lot of pain so I Offer to take her to the hospital but she doesn't want to make a fuss so she goes to bed. She lies in bed groaning and whimpering and at almost Midnight agrees that she will go to hospital. So leaving my beloved FB, Helium etc I take her. We are equi-distant between two large hospitals so I take her to the quieter one because it Will be quicker. What I didn't consider was that, because it is quieter, it would have less staff so we arrive at 00:10, we are seen for triage at 01:00, by the doctor at 04:00, x-ray at 04:30 and given equipment and pain relief at 06:15.
She has damaged the soft tissue around her knee (she felt it twist when she did the tackle) and is now splinted and on crutches. She should refrain from football and other exercise for perhaps as much as 6 weeks (and considering that she is studying PE and football at college that isn't good. I suggested that it might be a good time to do lots of theory work and almost got a crutch wrapped around my head :)
yesterday i went along to watch my daughter, Soph, playing football.Her team only had 9 players so they were under strength and had no subs. Early in the second half Soph did one of her legendary sliding tackles which normally results in the opposing player giving her a wide berth for the rest of the match (if they are still able to walk). They lost the match 7-4 and after a brief stop for coke and chips Soph headed of to the gym and did 3 hours there.
Jump to yesterday evening. Soph complains that her knee is painful but we all think it will be ok (just a slight swelling). At 10 pm She is in a lot of pain so I Offer to take her to the hospital but she doesn't want to make a fuss so she goes to bed. She lies in bed groaning and whimpering and at almost Midnight agrees that she will go to hospital. So leaving my beloved FB, Helium etc I take her. We are equi-distant between two large hospitals so I take her to the quieter one because it Will be quicker. What I didn't consider was that, because it is quieter, it would have less staff so we arrive at 00:10, we are seen for triage at 01:00, by the doctor at 04:00, x-ray at 04:30 and given equipment and pain relief at 06:15.
She has damaged the soft tissue around her knee (she felt it twist when she did the tackle) and is now splinted and on crutches. She should refrain from football and other exercise for perhaps as much as 6 weeks (and considering that she is studying PE and football at college that isn't good. I suggested that it might be a good time to do lots of theory work and almost got a crutch wrapped around my head :)
Saturday, 13 March 2010
blah blah
just thought I'd drop in and blow off some steam.
Spent a while this afternoon watching my family disintegrating and feeling as though I was watching from the outside. How strange that I felt no real emotion, that I could see all the anger and the vitriol and do nothing but hum quietly to myself. Hey perhaps I've finally lost it!
Moving on to other things I found I had two anonymous replies on my blog today. One, on a post about England's performance in the rugby world cup final (how long ago is that!) saying that the writer disagreed with me and could provide evidence if I just got in touch via PM errrrr, you're anonymous mate! and do i really care, my blog=my opinions. The second 'reply was on my flash 55 yesterday. Bloody spammer, I do not like people using my work to push their crap, my friends don't need it and I don't want it. I do not want to go down the road of checking stuff before it is allowed because I'd rather trust people to be nice (maybe that is my failing)
On a much more positive note , I'm enjoying writing again and just hoping that people aren't getting sick of me pushing my writing down their throats, going back to helium has done me good, I have re-discovered some old friends and made some new ones. Wow, two of my kids are writing on helium now. Jack lied about his age and signed up and Sophie re-activated her old account and has a poem at the number 1 spot (out of 112) which has made me very proud (and, as I introduced her I will earn a little on her success lol)
There, I feel better now, don't be strangers xx
Spent a while this afternoon watching my family disintegrating and feeling as though I was watching from the outside. How strange that I felt no real emotion, that I could see all the anger and the vitriol and do nothing but hum quietly to myself. Hey perhaps I've finally lost it!
Moving on to other things I found I had two anonymous replies on my blog today. One, on a post about England's performance in the rugby world cup final (how long ago is that!) saying that the writer disagreed with me and could provide evidence if I just got in touch via PM errrrr, you're anonymous mate! and do i really care, my blog=my opinions. The second 'reply was on my flash 55 yesterday. Bloody spammer, I do not like people using my work to push their crap, my friends don't need it and I don't want it. I do not want to go down the road of checking stuff before it is allowed because I'd rather trust people to be nice (maybe that is my failing)
On a much more positive note , I'm enjoying writing again and just hoping that people aren't getting sick of me pushing my writing down their throats, going back to helium has done me good, I have re-discovered some old friends and made some new ones. Wow, two of my kids are writing on helium now. Jack lied about his age and signed up and Sophie re-activated her old account and has a poem at the number 1 spot (out of 112) which has made me very proud (and, as I introduced her I will earn a little on her success lol)
There, I feel better now, don't be strangers xx
theatre - flash 55
A silence fell around the theatre, all eyes on the maestro as he carefully picked up his instrument.
He cleared his throat and moistened his dry lips.
In a state of near zen like calm he turned and scanned those watching him, he broke the silence.
Today I will begin by making a lateral incision……
Flash Fiction - Each Friday, a happy band of talented writers compose a short story of 55 words - no more, no less. If you would like to join in the fun and games... post your story and report to the boss -G-MAN
http://g-man-mrknowitall.blogspot.com/
If you're not interested in contributing a story, feel free to read the other entries. I'm sure any comments you have would be appreciated.
He cleared his throat and moistened his dry lips.
In a state of near zen like calm he turned and scanned those watching him, he broke the silence.
Today I will begin by making a lateral incision……
Flash Fiction - Each Friday, a happy band of talented writers compose a short story of 55 words - no more, no less. If you would like to join in the fun and games... post your story and report to the boss -G-MAN
http://g-man-mrknowitall.blogspot.com/
If you're not interested in contributing a story, feel free to read the other entries. I'm sure any comments you have would be appreciated.
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