Friday, 26 February 2010

Health (or lack of it) update

So, if you are here you obviously want to know how my health is. If you have made a wrong turn or suffered a moments foolishness and ended up here by accident please close your eyes now.

Ah, still here ok then prepare to be bored.

Attended the doctor's this morning and did another fairly simple 'level of depression' test (this is largely a waste of time as I used these for years and know all the right answers to produce a desired outcome). The doctor, the test and I agreed that I'm making progress and that the medication is fine. The plan is that I should remain on the medication for about 6 months and ignore anyone who tells me to stop taking it.
Then we reviewed the medication for my heart. The doctor showed me a letter from my consultant instructing her to increase the dosage. The dose started of low because it slows my heart and I am already bradicardic(sp?).Apparently the plan was to make sure I could tolerate the lower dose before stepping up to a more therapeutic dose. I wonder if they are going to keep uping it out of some sort of morbid interest in how much I can tolerate lol


there's a relatively new application on facebook which allows you to write nice things about your friends, the aim is that everyone on facebook will end up with a list of 'what we like' about them which i think is a wonderful idea.
Today one of my friends wrote something about me which made my day and almost reduced me to tears i was so genuinely surprised and touched. One of the things she said was that I was loyal to my friends and that gave me pause because i wondered a. who i class as my friends and b. what does loyalty mean.

I have 350ish 'friends' on facebook and I am trying to sort out what to do with them lol) but real friends? I have perhaps 5 or 6 and they are not all on my friends list even though I met them all through the internet and they are all on facebook. So that is a manageable number and I can be 'loyal' to them lol.
Loyalty, to me, is about accepting people as they are with their bad stuff as well as their good, none of us are perfect (me less than most) but in friendship we accept each other as we are and that is important. Some of my friends I have known for a relatively short time, others for a good few years and amongst the few there are friends who I was almost out of touch with at times but could pick up where we left off. I know that we all need to do stuff we don't like or which we find difficult sometimes and part of my idea of loyalty is to accept that and be there when the time comes to pick up. I very rarely offer a forever to someone but for those few friends that is what they have, for better or worse, they are stuck with me.The nature of our friendship may be fluid but the friendship will always be there because in my small group of friends I have people I can trust, people worthy of my loyalty.
And now I'm rambling lol, see, only a real friend would put up with this.

Wednesday, 24 February 2010

A different angle on divorce

it has been said that to walk away from a marriage is a selfish act (not important who said it) but I wonder.
Is it selfish to assert your own needs after not doing so, is it really selfish to recognise that you have some meaning as an individual? Self isn't a 'bad' thing and making a decision to move on isn't an unfeeling decision.
Look at it this way when you walk away from a partner whether it be of 2 weeks or 20 years it's not about what you are taking away from them so much as how much you have given them throughout your time together. Certainly if it is a long relationship which is approaching closure you have given that partner some of the best years of your life. Selfish? I think not. You deserve something for yourself.

who are you?

just read a post on a friend's wall at FB and it made me think.
The poster mentioned that, seeing my friends name, she didn't know who it was because she only knew her by her alias on another web site.
It made me laugh because I do the same thing all the time and looking at friends on facebook I very often don't make connections until much later. Personally I try to use the same alias as much as possible to improve peoples chances of recognising me.
One problem now, finding people who actually want to know me lol

Tuesday, 23 February 2010

damn you facebook

Yes, damn you and double curse you for your trickery and your lies.
You take my life and turn it into a freak show you give me friends and tell me they love me\hate me\want me you tell my future, reveal my past, steal my present........
You let me flirt, propose and play but make my every gambit into a button press every bouquet a click. I've shared your cyber coffee and cake, I've ticked your boxes and sold my soul and for what? enhanced scores and popularity points!
you've put me in a world where people receive gifts daily, expensive flowers, firemen and pets exchange hands constantly and any real gift is pale by comparison. you encourage me to tell friends and strangers that they are nerdish, hot, a ten, a one (I tried this on the bus, the doctor says I should be able to use my arms and legs again some day)
Yes, facebook you have reduced my life to a series of clicks. I hate you
Have to stop now, I can see the notifications building up

Friday, 19 February 2010

Flash 55 - the Ring

Their meetings were magical yet, always, one thing hurt her.
She hated that ring, there as a constant reminder that he belonged to another.
Tonight was no different......until he told her he had scratched her name inside. Now they both knew she was ALWAYS with him. The ring a promise to keep her always.

Flash Fiction - Each Friday, This group of flashers compose a short story of 55 words - no more, no less. If you would like to join in the fun and games... post your story and report to the boss -G-MAN ( If you're not interested in contributing a story, feel free to read the other entries. I'm sure any comments you have would be appreciated.

Saturday, 13 February 2010

Happy Valentines day

Valentines day! What a lovely day, full of romance, joy and promises both made and fulfilled. If you are with your true love anyway.

This year I wrote a short verse to try and express my feelings, it's not brilliant but it is from the heart. Then I realised that I really didn't know what to do with it. To send it to it's intended recipient might do more harm that good at the moment and yet not to send it would feel like denial.
So, I put it in a bottle on and threw it into the cyber sea. I did this because stating\writing the dream makes it more real for me.
One day she will be able to read what I wrote but somehow I know that she will feel the love that is in my note anyway.

To those of you who are spending this Valentines day with someone special, enjoy. I am happy for you and the happiness and love you feel today will be mine one day soon

Thursday, 11 February 2010

I'm a very naughty bookcrosser

I've been with bookcrossing about 6/7 years now and I'm not nearly as active as I used to be but what I am about to reveal is beyond bad.

In 2006 a dear friend started a journal complete with a list of friends around the world who wanted to share in the journals journey and add to it. The aim was that, once it was full or had visited all interested people it would return to it originator. I was the first port of call and I found it in a pile of books yesterday.
I have to say it was wonderful to read the entry that had been made and it brought back some wonderful memories and reminded me of a few important 'life lessons'

I feel terrible about this and I intend to e-mail the journals originator and ask whether they want it back or want it sending somewhere else.

Can I really have friends who are NOT on my friends list on Facebook?

I use facebook as a background thing and have it on running in the background quite a lot. When I'm bored I tend to trawl the applications and have a play. At the moment I'm using a lot of the applications which ask you for opinions on people from your friend list stuff like Would you hug x; what do you think x is doing now; does x have bad breath etc etc. I came across an application the other day which was slightly different in that it asked stuff like who has made you smile the most; who has had the biggest impact on your life in the past year or who have you been closest too. In each instance I needed to enter the relevant name (in fact it was the same name for all three questions). The problem was that name isn't on my facebook friends list so I'm not allowed to choose it.
So sorry 'Friends exposed' I won't be using you.

Oh and on the subject of these applications if you would rather I didn't answer questions about you just let me know and I'll skip them. Of course then you'll never know if I would kiss you on the lips or cheek, skinny dip with you or make out with you ;0)

Monday, 8 February 2010

I have definately gone 'weird'

Oh dear, I've found myself enjoying work and not only enjoying work but wanting to be at work when I'm not. I have always enjoyed this job, how lucky am I!
The news that my colleague will be spending some time away made several people comment that it was going to get very lonely for me but I have my thoughts, my books, my computer and my writing and I really struggle to fit it all in as it is.

Tuesday, 2 February 2010


I'm pretty active on facebook and have a friend list that hovers around 350 (not that I really know them all). I notice that the total number changes constantly as I add people or take them off, people will also decide to 'unfriend' me - it happens.
Over the weekend I was catching up with my facebooking when I suddenly realised that someone had 'unfriended' me but the point was that it was one of the people who was very important to me. Now don't get me wrong, I'm not having a go about this person moving out and it in no way changes the love and respect I have for them but I have to admit that my heart sank at that moment.
Literally a minute after my son called me over to see a message on his FB. The message told us that his friend's grandad (a family friend) had died. He had a fast acting cancer and was in his 60. Perspective time. He is gone, his family and friends will not see him again.Ever. My friend has just moved if I ever really need to ask or say something I can find many ways of doing so and the friendship hasn't died, it's just sleeping.I am happy for my friend that they are able to make changes and happy for us both for the good things we have shared.

the blogging future

well, I decided on the future of this blog. After considering feedback and carefully analysing the demographics I will be keeping the blog public this is because

a. I have absolutely nothing to hide from the current readers I know of

b. Any random members of the public who wander in can think what they like because they have no influence or part to play in my life

c. If people close to me decide to come and read the blog then they will just have to accept who I am and live with it (or not) their decision.

I am me and from now on when life gives me lemons I will juggle with them (and perhaps throw the odd one at those who deserve it)