Sunday, 30 September 2007

A sad and thoughtful day

Today I attended the funeral of an old friend. I hadn't seen her for 20 years and found out after she died that she was living 2 miles from me.

She died of pneumonia at the age of 43.

As I sat in the church, I cried a little, not for the immediate loss but for those 20 years when I didn't stay in touch with someone who had always been a good friend (and an excellent drinking buddy).

Way back then when we were in out early 20's we were all immortal and there was never pressure to do things 'now'

Her brother described how she had lost her sight in her 30's and had been scared to walk, how she had become less active and weaker, how she had lost the can do attitude she used to have. It was when she was struggling and afraid that she needed friends, meanwhile I was 2 miles up the road doing very little. I'm not blaming my self but it just seems that a vital link was missing.

a lesson for us all, value the good friends we have and don't let the years slip away.

the competition results

the number of entries to the competitiion was quite low (3) one got the coordinates wrong and one didn't complete the second part of the competition so I have decided to give a prize to all entrants.

Congratulations Jess, Jodie and Shari. I'll be in touch

Saturday, 29 September 2007


I am begging shamelessly please help
to get to the top on bloginterviewer. We would be so grateful

Friday, 28 September 2007


For what it's worth, my ill fated and underpopulated competition will close at midnight Saturday,29th (GMT)

that 55 thing again!

It was dark.

A velvet blackness hiding promises of narcotic delight.

His eyes sought her's and she gazed at him, waiting, seeing his need.

His voice, when he finally spoke, had a grave like quality as if from far away in a different time, another place.

"You better make that a double shot latte instead".

Thursday, 27 September 2007

Who's a silly blogger?

I am!
"4 hours ago I was struggling with my computer because it kept telling me that my user name/password were invalid for logging on to the internet. I sweated and swore and cried buckets of blood, a pop up told me that there was an our-rage and I replied to bl**dy true, it's an out-rage.

Having wrestled manfully with the problem I gave in and rang the help line (at premium rate) who told me to try all the things I'd already tried. I rang that helpline twice last night and again this morning and they told me that they were mystified but would run line tests today and that i should call them back tomorrow (more premium rate calls).

I was feeling the loss of internet keenly, I missed my buddies and I desperately wanted to vote on bloginterviewer. I actually rang a friend because I needed my fix of warm snugly friendship (much better value for my money than the help line hehe).

Early this afternoon, I was sorting through some mail on my desk and I decide I really ought to read the booklet that arrived a few days ago from the phone company I am switching to. Yep, you guessed it! the switch over was yesterday and part of the package is wireless internet The reason I couldn't connect is because I am now with a different ISP.

In my defense an earlier letter had said the switch would be at the beginning of October and I'm just not used to companies doing better than they promise.

Monday, 24 September 2007


I am going to have to go into My daughter's school tomorrow. The catering staff are constantly telling her that if she won't have a pizza, pasta or sandwich then she can't have fruit!

I need to remind them ONCE AGAIN that my daughter has coeliac disease and can't eat pizza, pasta and bread. Anyway what's wrong with fruit?

Sunday, 23 September 2007


My senses fill with promised delight
I tremble with anticipation
preparing to indulge

You cast your net wide
your silk so fine
waiting for the tempted

As I touch your web
my nerves alert, to late,
held lightly

I face you, not bravely
trembling with fear
you anticipate your indulgence

and so I end
wrapped in your embrace
cocooned in silken thread
losing my head

referal prize update

with a week to go Morgetron has a very small lead with last months winner hanging on her tail (interesting place to be)

Saturday, 22 September 2007

a wish for those moving on

I wrote this for two members of my writer's group who are going off to university but I keep seeing it as my subconscious smacking me around the head


If you never see beyond today's horizon
or seek an answer deeply hidden
If you only see the seed
and not the flower
and only ever go where you are bidden.

If you cannot reach to touch the sky
and never know the wonders found out there
and life's journey is planned and set and mapped
without the time to stop a while and stare.

If you look back one day and feel regret
and realise then all lives are not the same
and weep for all the chances you have missed
then my friend, that is the greatest shame.

regarding flash 55

I am really enjoying getting involved with flash 55 but I would appreciate a little advice from more experienced flashers.

How do people know when I have written a flash 55, is there a particular place I should mention this?

in anticipation of my education

thank you

Friday, 21 September 2007

my naughty poem

I did this for my writer's group, it made them laugh hehe


Do you think I'm attractive?

oh yes, said his lips
hmmmm, suppose, added his brain
YUM! cried the little devil

Will you see me again?

of course, the lips assured
errrrrrr, suppose, the brain added
WELL, ARE YOU GOING TO PUT OUT OR WHAT? demanded the devil, stretching

Do you love me?

you know I do, quick from the lips
yeah, yeah, whatever, yawned a bored brain
I'M READY, NOW! groaned the giant devil.

Thursday, 20 September 2007

my second Flash55

He lies
as he falls into your eyes
already dreaming of his intense gratification.
Love you is easy to say
when he knows he'll have his way
anticipating his own fulfilment.

His truth is there
in a moment's distant stare
calculating the score.
and when she falls asleep
left, lonely in a heap
conveniently discarded.

writing group

As usual I really enjoyed the writer's group tonight. I am always somewhat in awe of the talent that some people display and there is always a surprise around the corner. Tonight our oldest member (in her 80's) produced a wonderful piece of fiction concerning night clubs and fighting fuelled by alcohol and cocaine, wow.

Sadly two of our really talented writers took their leave of us this evening as they are going away to university, I am truly sorry to see them go but O know that they are both destined for greatness and they need to take the next step.

for the last time! (maybe not)

Enter the bl**dy competition before I start crying in earnest (or even on earnest)


Salvaged from Helium scrapyard

A new beginning

Senses begin to awaken
A whisper of warm air brushes my cheek and birds sing in celebration, I taste the tang of salt on the air and, opening my eyes I see the ocean spread before me like an endless plain.
I turn and see the land swelling gently like a soft, green, crumpled duvet.
The breeze carries the scent of woodland flowers and my heart feels at peace.

I sit for a while under the shade of an ancient oak tree and breath deeply and slowly as my mind slips into a meditative state.

I am aware, as though reading from a book, that I have suffered and that I have fought hard to keep my sanity. I know that I bear many invisible scars, memories of battles won and lost, conflict created and avoided, chances taken, chances missed. The principals, no longer performing, parade before me allowing me to see, often for the first time, the people beneath the greasepaint.

The parents who dominated, expected and watched now stripped of their masks revealing anxious, care worn faces.

The siblings no longer competing and squabbling show themselves as strong yet loving.

Partners, not too many and each with memories. Stripped of their costume and role they are a diverse group I am the only common denominator

My children in their roles as tormentors, leeches and succubi where played by young people in need of love and security, good people with good moral sense and hearts brim full of love.

Colleagues pass me too, strange that without their trappings, their uniforms, they seem a lot like me. They worry, they struggle and they hide their insecurities.

A touch, gentle on my cheek, wakes me and I look up into the smiling face of my beloved. A tear falls and splashes on my face, her hand grips mine. I am alive, I have a chance, a new beginning.

oh no! real life!

throughout my history of internet use I have made many friends and a few enemies (or is it the other way around?)

Thus far I have never mixed my internet life with my real life but now i feel that the times are, as Bob said, a changing. For the first time I have started talking to people about my blog and inviting them to visit. My blog is pretty much me so there shouldn't be many surprises. I guess the biggest worry is if a real life friend starts spilling the beans about me, you know confirming that I really am a toad and that I look up to hobbits and smell like the messy end of a rat with diarrhoea.

Wednesday, 19 September 2007

Tuesday, 18 September 2007

Just to remind you all

My guest book is lonely so scroll down to the bottom of this page and sign it!

I have one entry to my competition and That really doesn't fit the definition of competition so ENTER please before i change it's name to toadee's give away.

It's obvious that some people are voting for my blog but I am prepared to beg quite aggressively for more votes (I have no pride).


off the beaten track

Most of my work involves driving up and down motorways which has limited appeal so it was lovely to get off the beaten track for a short while whilst delivering furniture to some rural schools.

I headed of into the hills and soon found myself on a rather narrow road

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which got even narrower

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after the delivery i thought I'd try a different route but that was even narrower

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and kept getting narrower

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ok the last picture isn't true but you get the idea.

I had to fold in the mirrors and I was touching both sides of the road.

I love the countryside but I'm not sure about sat navs hehe

(uggg, I've just noticed the road kill on the last picture!)

Monday, 17 September 2007

Just a random thought about love

true love is a constant state
but within we mark each moment
by shifting moods
joy and pain
measured on the barometer of the heart

Sunday, 16 September 2007


my competition has been a total failure so far, the criteria used to reach this conclusion is that there have been no (that's 0) entries.
I think I will leave it a week and then kill it

Thursday, 13 September 2007

Flash 55

He'd used her before
but at first he had been oh so gentle
taking it very slowly and handling her so very very softly.

Now he was an animal, desperate to get dirty.
Throwing her around, bending her to his will.
Pushing her to the limits of her endurance.

New cars, don't stay new forever!

back in one of my comfort zones

I started back at my writing group this evening (it started last week but i was working *sob*).

The group runs at my daughter's school and usually has about 6 members. We bring in pieces we have written and read them out giving other members of the group the opportunity to offer feedback. There is a wonderful mixture of people young and old from a great variety of backgrounds and one of the lovely things is that we have members producing short pieces and members working on long term projects.

Writing aside I think the group have become friends and we spend a lot of time chatting. It takes a special kind of person to put up with my weirdness and fondness for double entendre and naughtiness hehe.

I will never forget that, when I was at my lowest ebb it was a special friend and this group that held my head above water until I learnt to swim

an evil plan

while Morgetron is away, wouldn't it be deliciously naughty to go to her blog and move the names around in her lists so that some of the long names are in the middle.

I bet that would really confuse her hehe

Wednesday, 12 September 2007

another competition!

I haven't always been a couch potato and here is a picture from when the toad sought out his natural habitat.

problem is, the toad has dissapeared, your job is to give me the coordinated of toadee's head.

Oh and because that's so easy, I want you to tell me what was going through that head at the moment the picture was taken. The entry with the correct coorinates and the thought that tickles me the most will get a PRIZE

feel free to comment here but e-mail your enty to me
( )

I will post comments after the end of the competition.

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My dad

when i got in from work yesterday my partner said that my dad needed a lift to the health centre a she had been having chest pain all day, he suffers from angina and had a triple bi-pass about 10 years ago, I went straight down to his house and drive him and mum to the health centre and from there to the A&E department.

I was, of course, very worried and, as I sat in the waiting room, I was thinking about how special dad is.

He isn't famous and he had never done anything outstanding but he is outstanding. He is outstanding for the values he holds (which have often prevented him gaining promotion), he is outstanding for the love he has and gives, he is outstanding precisely because he doesn't seek greatness and notoriety, he supports his family and friends and wants only the best for them.

I love him so much.

It turns out that he has a pneumonia, although only mild, and he was sent home with anti-biotics and pain relief

Monday, 10 September 2007

do you remember real money?

I'm old enough to remember when, if you went into a shop and said you were paying by cheque or credit, they would add a surcharge because of the inconvenience and because they had to pay to use the service.

As time went on you could sometimes get a discount for paying cash.

A relative of mine went into Carphone Warehouse last week to but a new mobile phone, he said he was paying cash and was informed that there would be a £20 additional charge for cash payments! This is mainly because cash (and cheques) have to be transported to the bank.

A few days ago , as I was boarding my bus the lady in front of me tried to pay a £3.50 fare with a £5 pound note. The driver said he couldn't accept the note because it was to creased to go through the counting machine at the depot and so was useless.

How long before we are a totally cash free society?

Sunday, 9 September 2007

Hey friends (and strangers)

just to point out that

I HAVE A NEW AND VERY EMPTY GUEST BOOK at the bottom of this page

Saturday, 8 September 2007

WARNING!! Men don't enter, it's a trap.

I have become the victim of a terrible and humiliating plot to remove all honour from mankind.

A female friend, quite casually, mentioned in conversation that when ever a man looks at a woman his eyes automatically check out her rack\boobs\breasts whatever.
I, of course denied this, I am an honourable toad and women are not just objects of sexual desire.

Now I'm trapped, caught in this enigma without variation, mired by this cruel paradoxical injunction. When I walk towards a woman, or meet one I concentrate really hard on not looking at her........ damn I did it again!

(Not so) private dancer

As I made my weary way home from work yesterday all I could think about was lying down and sleeping forever.

The bus was crowded, no seats at all (not even one next to an incontinent old guy with a bottle in a paper bag and a decades long collection of BO)

I stood near the front holding onto a pole.I really didn't feel like performing my legendary pole dance but the motion of the bus sort of swung me around my pole a little and a small boy laughed at me. There are several ways to react when someone laughs at you but this is my way. I did it again, I did it with both hands, with one. I swung a little left and a bit more to the right. A few more people smiled or laughed (and one frowned).

I was so tired but somehow making a few people smile gave me a boost.

I am awaiting a regular booking hehe

Friday, 7 September 2007

I think I have a mild flu bug

no scratch that, I'm a man for goodness sake, I am sure I'm dying lol

so I'm not hanging around at the moment and I am quarantining my blog.

Please wear a face mask when entering.

Thursday, 6 September 2007

A good day

oh joy, oh rapture, sat at the wheel of my beloved library bus in the English countryside in the warm sun.

Translation: How the hell am I supposed to get this vehicle down that narrow lane when some idiot has parked his 4x4 in the road, oh stuff it I'm to hot and sweaty to be bothered.

But I do enjoy doing the mobile library :o)

Prize sent

I have now posted 2 prizes (and a bonus prize) to the wonderful, warm and witty Missy.

I wonder who will be receiving the prize for September?

Naughty Toad

was out delivering today and I'm afraid i damaged the truck.

I was going down a steep hill when someone pulled out in front and i had to slam the brakes on. The combination of hill and braking made the load slide forward and I ended up with a bad dent in the bulkhead (and a precarious load).

I have told the transport manager but he hasn't seen the damage yet.

The worst of it is that after months of driving around in scruffy old waggons this one was only a few months old.

Wednesday, 5 September 2007

Oh joy

I worked on the mobile library again today, I love doing this job AND there is a vacancy coming up! so watch this space hehe.

It was lovely to know that the library staff had missed me even if it was only because the agency had sent them some truly weird characters.

I spoke to the agency this morning and they are looking at offering me as a temp librarian\driver

Tuesday, 4 September 2007

I want to have a moan!

the job I was on today felt a bit crappy because the people weren't over friendly but I guess the thing with a driving job is that you don't have to spend a lot of time with people hehe.

So, it was a long day and when i got home I got a continual barrage of complaints from my partner. I should be used to it by now and normally I can cope these days but today caught me feeling a little fragile and I felt the foundations of my mental health, so recently laid, crack a little. I wanted to jump back into the waggon and just keep driving until I was far away.

Thankfully, I found support here on the net and those cracks got fixed.

Sunday, 2 September 2007

My saturday job

Now that the football season is here again i have resumed my Saturday job. i assist a bookmaker at the local football stadium so i get to play wuth lots of cash hehe.
I am not really a gambler but today i placed 2 bets I bet that the final score would be 1-0 and that the first goal would be scored between 40 and 50 minutes into the game.

Final score Leeds 1 - Luton 0

goal scored at 44 minutes

I made a modest profit hehe

Top referrer for August

As partly expected Missy maintained her lead and will now receive a prize (no I won't tell you what!). It's as well that i didn't post her limerick prize yet because I can now save on postage.

At the moment darlinjo is in the lead for the September prize but that could all change lol

A measure of my success

My campaign to get people to vote for this blog on bloginterviewer has now been going 24 hours.
Votes so far 0, zero, zilch

it won't even let me vote for my own blog *sob*

Saturday, 1 September 2007

Here's a little idea

I was reading in Missy's blog about the frustration of not getting a lot of blog traffic and I noticed that some people have suggested visiting lots of blogs to make sure you are noticed.

How about clicking that 'next blog' link at the top of your page once each time you up date or service your blog. That way you will see more of the bloggy world and you might a. meet people or b. see some good ideas.