Friday 31 August 2007

Sleeping around

I was soooooo tired last night. I went upstairs to bed only to find that eldest daughter (who is ill at the moment) had fallen asleep on my bed while watching tv, my partner and two sons were also asleep on and my the bed and, bizarrely, on a camp bed near by.
I just couldn't be bothered to move people around and so, because I need to be near the alarm, I just laid on the landing with my head in the doorway and slept like that.

not a happy day

What a frustrating day!

I had it all planned out in my little head. I was delivering to a place called Chesterfield which is on the very outskirts of the area we cover, I didn't mind because my brother lives there and i was looking forward to stopping off for lunch or at least a cup of tea. I knew that i could finish the days work on time and I had arranged to do a job for a friend, only three hours but good money.

So, that's how it was supposed to be!

I had just arrived at my first stop in Chesterfield when the manager tang me an dtold me to get straight back to base as there was an emergency, there was an important delivery to do and he said I might have to work over my normal time. i made it clear that I had to finish on time.
Rushed back to base and another manager helped me off load the Chesterfield stuff and re-load the lorry, he ws worried about us getting the job done and i further 'rained on the parade' by pointing out that I was required by law to take a break.

We got to the drop off area and struggled with heavy traffic and a major detour because he tried to take me under a bridge which was 11'6 high (my lorry is 11'8).

When i finally finished, there were major delays on the motorway, now I don't normally mind sitting in traffic jams because I can amuse my self but my fuel gauge was hovering over empty and we are only allowed to fill up at base.
I made it back only to find that, while i had been out trying to save face for the company, everyone had gone home and the yard was locked up tight. I had to ring my agency who found someone with keys to open up for me. To be honest I would've quite cheerfully lefy the lorry outside knowing full well that by the next morning it would have been empty, burnt out or missing (probably all three).
So the upshot. I had to ring my friend who felt very let down (and i hate letting people down), I lost out on £60 and instead of finishing the job at 3pm I finished nearer 6.

Ok, I'm calm now lol

Thursday 30 August 2007

The nekkid toad (big in plastic)

I posted this a few weeks back but I want people to read it so I'm re-posting it! I was hoping this would be the first in a new line to challenge that bimbo Barbie.Of course there is a desperate need for more specialized Toadee dolls and in the spirit of the moment I approached a major manufacturer to suggest a nekkid Toadee doll.Here is a short except from the discussion which may help you to understand why the nekkid Toadee isn't going into production just yet.

T = Toadee
CE = Chief executive

T: I really think this could work, Ken made it big, why not Toadee?

CE: I have to say we have looked very carefully at your proposal and there are some issues.

T: Issues? ok, lets get them on the table

CE: ah, well I'm not sure we should be putting these issues on the table

T: sorry you've lost me

CE :(sotto voce) I wishCE: well the thing is, ken was, well, lacking in certain areas

T: ?

CE: he was well, not all Barbie might have hoped for, a disappointment, not all there, less than a whole man.

T: ah, got ya, but that needn't be a problem here, The toadee doll must be 100% realistic.

CE: that IS the problem

T: no, don't tell me, if you were to add the bits Ken don't have AND be realistic the cost of the extra plastic would be too high. Am I right or am I right?

CE: can I be blunt? thank you. The thing is we have spent a lot of money making scale models and market testing. The model we used was 100% accurate everything was in the proportions found on a real toadee.

T: woohoo, world plastic shortage? fainting ladies? massive fan club?

CE: actually none of the above

T: so what's the problem?

CE: we showed the Nekkid Toadee doll to 100 people
10% laughed
10% Cried
50% said that we should add something down below
20% couldn't see any difference between the Nekkid Toadee and a naked Ken
and 10% offered money for the specialist surgery for whoever the doll was based on.

so that's why you won't be getting a nekkid toadee doll in your stocking next Christmas.

Of course this is all a work of fiction (or is it?)

Hot and bothered

While I was driving today it was so hot in the cab and so, like many of my fellow drivers I was driving topless.

what bothered me though was that so many of the drivers sport rather magnificent bellys and 'man boobs' due to the fact that we spend so long sitting.

If I'm going to drive long term then i need to make sure I put in some exercise time.
I came across this picture of my daughter

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my first thought was

OH NO, SHE'S A MINI MORGETRON

Saturday 25 August 2007

all things in the balance

I've been on line an awful lot over the past few days and I've had the pleasure of spending lots of time with some very good friends.

The family are all still away so I have no-one here for company. What I do have is the computer, good friends and a couple of cases of beer (well I DID have a couple of cases)

so you think you know me!

Take This Quiz - http://www03.quizyourfriends.com/takequiz.php?quizname=070825131333-844456

we have a result!

The winner of the limerick competition is

*fanfare*


Missy

so if she would like to furnish me with a mailing address I will send a prize (there again, she looks like she will win the referrer of the month prize too so I might wait and save postage hehe)

yawn

with so little to do I have been tweaking my blog which, you will be pleased to note, didn't hurt and hasn't affected my eyesight.

I have added a clistermap and a guest book.

Hmmmmmm, there appears to be a theme and that theme is..........is there anybody there?

Friday 24 August 2007

last chance!

only 15 hours left to vote for your favourite limerick

the Holiday!

first let me explain, I lost my camera for most of the holiday.

Right, here we go!

the family had gone camping a week ago and i joined them last Saturday.

I was already aware that my partner had had a row with the site owner.......

this is the site in question

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shortly after I arrived the owner came to our tent to say that my nephew and my daughter had been misbehaving (they had been winding a swing around the frame) I told him that they would be dealt with and then..............

all hell broke loose. My partner was shouting, he was shouting, I was confused.

He claimed that no-one had paid for me to stay, they had and was getting into a real temper.

The owner threatened to call the police and I burst out laughing, where I live the police deal with real issues.

He did, they came, we talked, we agreed to leave the next morning on the grounds that I would not be able to enjoy my holiday in the current atmosphere.

Next morning we moved to another site

which was very nice but unfortunately the weather wasn't brilliant

this is the site (and that isn't dirt on my lenses it's weather!)

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later photos are a little clearer

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the bad weather persisted and all we could do to raise out spirits was to hit the nearest pub where we ate real food and the kids gave the pool table a good seeing to

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on the final (for me) day we went into Whitby and enjoyed the traditional fish and chips before the kids felt an overwhelming urge to pose

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Anneliese, Sophie (mine), Natasha, Rebecca (mine), Jamie, Andi-Jane, Zoe
Jack (mine), Thomas (mine)

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Sophie, Natasha, Rebecca

I came home yesterday and today has been wonderful weather :(

Saturday 18 August 2007

see you all soon

I'm am going away camping for a few days.

I will try to take some pictures.

will miss being here and will miss you all *sob*

please continue to vote for my blog hehe

http://bloginterviewer.com/religion/the-church-of-the-terminally-bemused-tim-toadee-marshall

take care my friends

the Limerick competition!

here are the entries, please vote on the poll -------------->



vargas said...
There once was a man named Elderly
who posted comments most sparingly
one day while bloggin'
I overturned my noggin
'surprised he resurfaced unexpectedly!


J Morgetron said...
The blogger "My Girlfriend is Hot" was the first to post five entries ago:

There once was this nameless dude
who took pics of his girl in the nude.
He has no shame
in this crazy blogging game.
Methinks his number one goal's to get screwed.


Rebicmel said...
I got Mona

There once was a poet named Mona
Her skills made me drink corona
Though her talent's sublime
and her poetry does rhyme
her humor is like flora and fauna.

so there you have it. Please vote!

Friday 17 August 2007

midway report on my best referrer competition

at the moment Missy is out front with 24 referrals to my blogs. Mike (bloginterviewer) is at 19 despite early fears that he would romp home easily.
The third place is my self but I don't count so that puts Ambre in at third with 14 referrals.

Still half the month to go!

Thursday 16 August 2007

my limerick competition

couple more days for entries and then we will find a winner

cautionary tale

yesterday i received an e mail from adsense telling me that they had suspended my account because of irregularities (cheating)

I appealed but my appeal has been turned down. I have lost all mt adsense earnings and I can never have an adsense account again.

they don't actually tell me the reason but it is around to many clicks bunched together from the same IP addy. Please note that asking anyone to click your adds is against the rules too.

I have been a naughty toad, do as I say not as I do

The Nekkid Toadee

if you read the previous posting (I won't blame you if you skipped it lol) then you will have noticed Driving and Hygiene Toadee the first in a new line to challenge that bimbo Barbie.

Of course there is a desperate need for more specialized Toadee dolls and in the spirit of the moment I approached a major manufacturer to suggest a nekkid Toadee doll.

Here is a short except from the discussion which may help you to understand why the nekkid Toadee isn't going into production just yet.

T = Toadee
CE = Chief executive

T: I really think this could work, Ken made it big, why not Toadee?

CE: I have to say we have looked very carefully at your proposal and there are some issues.

T: Issues? ok, lets get them on the table

CE: ah, well I'm not sure we should be putting these issues on the table

T: sorry you've lost me

CE :(sotto voce) I wish

CE: well the thing is, ken was, well, lacking in certain areas

T: ?

CE: he was well, not all Barbie might have hoped for, a disappointment, not all there, less than a whole man.

T: ah, got ya, but that needn't be a problem here, The toadee doll must be 100% realistic.

CE: that IS the problem

T: no, don't tell me, if you were to add the bits Ken don't have AND be realistic the cost of the extra plastic would be too high. Am I right or am I right?

CE: can I be blunt? thank you. The thing is we have spent a lot of money making scale models and market testing. The model we used was 100% accurate everything was in the proportions found on a real toadee.

T: woohoo, world plastic shortage? fainting ladies? massive fan club?

CE: actually none of the above

T: so what's the problem?

CE: we showed the Nekkid Toadee doll to 100 people

10% laughed
10% Cried
50% said that we should add something down below
20% couldn't see any difference between the Nekkid Toadee and a naked Ken
and 10% offered money for the specialist surgery for whoever the doll was based on.


so that's why you won't be getting a nekkid toadee doll in your stocking next Christmas.

Of course this is all a work of fiction (or is it?)

I defy anybody to read this entire entry!

I decided that I would do a sort of photoblog of my work day, taking a photo every hour on the hour. A great idea but the results are a bit boring lol

Oh well, here goes

Introducing your driver for today it's Driving Toadee

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I was concentrating lol

6am I arrive at the depot where this weeks truck waits fully loaded

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by 7am I am on the A61 north of Sheffield

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(bored yet?)

this section of the A61 passes through the Yorkshire forest which is the real area frequented by Robin Hood.

Soon after I deliver to Cadbury's (smelt of liquorish today) and by 8am I am approaching Sheffield centre

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Arriving at Gunstone Bakeries (they do the Marks and Spencers bread and stuff) I find myself waiting for the lift at 9am

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I just know you'll want to see how I debase my self so here is

Hygiene Toadee

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Whilst at the bakery I take my break and treat my self to breakfast (this ones for you Karen hehe)

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I am still in the staff canteen at 10am relaxing

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11am finds me thundering up the M1 and taking shaky pictures

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(strange that I can't use my mobile whilst driving but the law hasn't told me not to take pictures lol)

shortly after 11 I decide that I am feeling a bit tired and in need of stimulation so I pull into a service area and phone a friend. That does the trick, I am revitalised and my friend has had a momentary relief from a power cut.


By 12 I am back at the depot reloading for the second part of the day's run

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I like this picture, it is so 'busy'

I am well on my way to York by 1pm

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and by 2pm I am on my way back lol

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(what, you're still here?)

I visit a meat packing plant in Bradford and am honoured to be allowed over the threshold (they are very strict due to hygeine regulations and then it's up the M606 (at 3pm) to the chicken packers (very smelly)

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by 4pm I am back at base and my little car waits to take me home

Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket

Wednesday 15 August 2007

new wave

at the moment I am delivering to bakeries, Sweet manufacturers and meat packers. I have noticed that in all these places, because wages are low, nearly all the staff are Polish. This new wave of Polish workers is quite recent but I never realised the scale of it.
I feel very awkward when I am unloading the waggon with people who I don't understand and they don't understand me. I was never any good at languages but I would like to learn a few words of Polish just so I can say thank you and goodbye etc, it must be so weird for they people (mostly young) to be here in a strange land although Leeds does have quite a large Polish community from the post war wave of immigration.

Saturday 11 August 2007

Prepare to have a fit of jealousy

went out on a different round at work today. I was being inducted to cover for one of the permanent drivers who is on holiday next week.

The first place we go is the Cadbury factory, and what do Cadbury make CHOCOLATE!!!!!!!!!

We are allowed to buy from the staff shop and it is so cheap. 20 Crunchies for £1. BIG bars of chocolate 40p

*walks away humming heaven, I'm in heaven*

Thursday 9 August 2007

that blooming middle name meme

1. You have to post these rules before you give the facts.
2. Players, you must list one fact that is somehow relevant to your life for each letter of their middle name. If you don’t have a middle name, use the middle name you would have liked to have had.
3. When you are tagged you need to write your own blog-post containing your own middle name game facts.
4. At the end of your blog-post, you need to choose one person for each letter of your middle name to tag. Don’t forget to leave them a comment telling them they’re tagged, and to read your blog.

P philosophical am I

A amorous (even if i can't spell it I can do it)

U useful, I am handy around the house and garden

L lacramose, at times

I will tag KB, Victoria, Shari and Keith

Tuesday 7 August 2007

Just catching up

this week I'm driving for a contract cleaning firm so I'm collecting uniforms for cleaning and delivering clean ones.
When I reported for work yesterday morning the manager asked me if I was a vegetarian and now I know why, most of my route is to butchers and slaughter houses. The stench is terrible and if I have to walk across another yard dodging red puddles I think I'll puke.

The answer to his question? I'm not veggie but I very soon might be.

fast I say, faster

hit the link, thumbs up PLEASE

http://bloginterviewer.com/religion/the-church-of-the-terminally-bemused-tim-toadee-marshall

In appreciation

I have decided that at the end of each month i will use blog tracker to determine which INDIVIDUAL blogger has referred most hits to my blogs. This person will be rewarded.

First count will be at the end of August GMT

Sunday 5 August 2007

Throwing down a gauntlet

It is time!

time I gave something away, it's not important what i give away, but give away I shall!

I would like to challenge you, my dear visitor, to count back five entries in your own blog (if you have several use your most popular) then look at who was the first person to comment on that entry, if no-one commented then go back to the previous entry.

Once you have got a name I would like you to write a limerick about that person and put it as a comment here.

In a week or so I will ask the public to choose a winner, if the poll feature is working, and a wonderful prize will be had.

I haven't looked at the name I would come up with but I'm going to do it now (I promise not to win the prize)

Poll results

It appears that the tagging needs to stop because the majority of visitors don't like to be touched (liars!!!!)

Watch out for an all new poll!!

Saturday 4 August 2007

wow! hot or not?

was sat at the lights today and I noticed that the driver of the car in front had the most gorgeous hair. I allowed my mind to wander slightly and, on the basis of this beautiful hair, I sort of fell in lust. I followed the same vehicle for a while and then when the road became two lane I moved to overtake with an idea of the gorgeous creature already fixed in my mind.
As I passed I stole a glance and all i can say is that the hair was gorgeous from the front too.......and it was complimented by his matching beard.

A long day

everywhere i delivered today we had to unload by hand so I got home aching and tired. Does any other country have as many miles of car park as we have, we call them motorways but they seem to be used for parking most of the time. I amused myself on the way home by getting people to smile. Did this by pulling faces (works on kids), blowing kisses (works on women, especially if they are in the car with their husband), looking dramatically anguished (works on men).

Next week I am working for a dry cleaning firm (a matter close to my heart) can't wait to get a picture of my next vehicle

Friday 3 August 2007

support the church

take some time to give the church your vote of confidence, if it wins the prize will be donated to cancer research

do it now!

http://bloginterviewer.com/religion/the-church-of-the-terminally-bemused-tim-toadee-marshall

Thursday 2 August 2007

rhe end of a very brief era

and so my time working with the LPD* comes to a close and sadly there was never a uniform in sight.

I spent hours today sat in a massive traffic jam and when I pulled into a service area for a coffee a man and his two female companions approached me. They had been in the lane next to me for miles and he asked me why i looked so happy when we had just taken 2 hours to move 3 miles.
Easy, I replied, I'm paid by the hour!

On a more worrying note I did have a bit of a panic attack whilst in heavy traffic, I suddenly felt that all the trucks in front of me were rolling back into me and that I was trapped, took so serious slow breathing and karma restoration to cope.

*Leeds Plywood and Doors

prepare to be excited

here is my trusty steed

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today we galloped around Manchester area (I knew a girl from that area, lovely lass, sadly she emigrated)

Tommorrow we are heading for Birmingham area. I will take a couple of books to bookcross

Wednesday 1 August 2007

A quick response to MsRose

Questions:
#1-When you bought that tux, did you think JC Penny's or Armani?
hehe, it's not really a tux but definitely more Armani than JC Penny (or UK equivalent)
#2-If you could be an M&M, what color would you be?
oh wow, choices, choices, I think I would have to be red because they seem to be a lot of people's favourite and I crave popularity.
#3-Are you a meat lover or vegetarian/vegan?
I have to admit that I am a definite carnivore
#4-What does "Bugger" mean?
AN explicative used when things go wrong, can also be used as an insult but rarely referring to it's real meaning regarding anal intercourse.
#5-Hey wait!! I didn't say booger!! Can I have that autograph now?? HEYYYY!
No you didn't! and yes you can (just as soon as I work out how lol)

thank you for such thought provoking questions MsRose, I am sure the world will be a happier, more enlightened place now.

are you bored yet?

Was out delivering doors today around South Yorkshire and Lincolnshire and quite enjoyed it (I am easily pleased).

It struck me that everyone I met was friendly and pleasant, perhaps I am wearing blinkers or maybe there is hope for the world.

And before you all start mobbing me, yes I will put up a picture of my delivery lorry hehe ( I've never had one with a bed before)

flop!

it appears that the church of the terminally bemused is a no go. I wonder if anyone could tell me if it's worth modifying or should i just kill it?