Libraries are for wankers (a mystery explained)

Whilst parked at one of my stops today I found my entrance darkened by a group of 5 youths who, between them (and with some difficulty),read the large lettering on the van and deduced that this was a mobile library.
Hi, I said, by way of breaking the ice without confusing them
One of them started to laugh quickly followed by his pack (I am a funny guy but this was a better response than usual)
He looked at me for a moment and then opined that 'libraies are for wankers' (which was obviously a better joke than my 'hi' one)
'Ahhhh', I replied, 'I bet you never go to libraries do you?'
'fuck off' he replied 'I'm not a wanker' (his comedy routine was now really taking off, the audience were loving it)
'well, no, obviously' I replied 'you're hardly equipped for that are you'
It was a toss up whether they moved in on me or wandered off but after a moment of looking blank I think they forgot where they were and they slide off to spread their comedic cheer

Party held, lessons learned

Last night I had a party as the family are away. it wasn't a grand affair and thankfully all attendees behaved and there was very little clearing up to do this morning.
Both during and indeed after the party I found that |i was learning some valuable lessons which I would like to share here.

1. one is a good number of people to have at a party as it avoids both loving AND fighting

2. One is a terrible number to have at a party as it limits entertaining conversation (although that is surely what facebook is for)

3. If you want lots of cyber input you need to put all your friends in the same time zone

4. There is a limit to the 'damage' a drunk can do if he is the only drunk around

5. Stuff the damage, it's fun to get drunk with your friends now and again and errr, friends will forgive. Won't they?

6. The settee is really rather comfortable

I seriously need help with this

well, when I say seriously I mean 'it would be nice' to have some help but there is no doubt at all that I do need help, just not sure if it's with this or with other issues.
Be warned, what I am about to ask may (nay WILL) offend some people but that's because some people don't have a life and, as this is MY blog,quite frankly I don't give a damn (and I know my friends (who try very hard to understand my strangeness)will be able to sigh and say 'he's off on one again'

Hey look, I've written loads and I haven't said anything yet.

Right let's get down to it.

I have a mind to do some further study (hold the 'mind' comments until the end please) and I've checked out the local college with a view to some part time study.I wanted to avoid purely academic subjects and be a bit more 'hands on' and the course that caught my eye was being run by the school of beauty. Total body massage.
This course insists on a pre-acceptance interview as they apparently find it necessary to filter applications (god knows why).

A few brief facts about the course so that you can all help me out without flying blind.
* it is a 20 week course, 2 hours a week plus a 3 day residential

* numbers are limited to 12 people

* the nature of the course means that some nudity and body contact is necessary

* initial enquiries indicate that the average age of people doing this course is 22

* all applicants are female.

* The education authority has a 'no discrimination' rule

So, this is why I need help, firstly I haven't got a clue what they will ask me in interview, any ideas? and secondly, if you were writing me a reference what would you be saying?

I intend to put this blog entry on Google write and facebook as well as putting links on buzz and twitter so I should reach all four people I know ;)















a further point of information, this isn't serious
but just look at the tags I get to use

in honour of BOOBQUAKE

A feast of flesh
a man's best dream
a worthy cause
a swelling team
wacky clerics
serious studies
seismic data
and mounds of goodies
willing ladies
ogling men
I hope that
BOOBQUAKE
happens again

remembered promises

As I drove to Edinburgh last night i think the highlight must have been passing through the Lake District as the sun was setting. So beautiful, majestic and romantic.
It reminded me of a promise I made regarding a special holiday in the Lakes, a promise I fully intend to keep.
Those memories got me through the long journey and provided me with happy dreams when I got home :)

Use Google reader

I'm not one to 'sell' stuff and I have steadfastly refused to direct my hordes of fans and followers down many a corporate, profit motivated path but no-one has asked me to do this and I'm doing it for my benefit.
If you use Google mail or have a google account you may have noticed google reader (it's at the top of the screen when you are in g mail) I clicked it and tried it and I think it's jolly good. I have feeds from all my favourite blogs going there so it saves me rushing around trying to keep up. I can also follow friends but unfortunately I only have two on there and I want lots of friends. Reader incorporates some fancy statistics s well if you're into that sort of thing.I'm sure it works best if I have a better size friends group because there is a facility to flag up blog entries that you particularly like for you friends to look at. Another way of increasing your readership.

At death's door

I quite like having my head in the clouds and dreaming dreams but I was brought down to earth with a crash today when I received a reasonably long discourse on just how near death I might be. This was not a medical opinion as such just an interpretation of my heart condition. I know people die from it, I know it's 'other name' is sudden death syndrome, I know there are no guarantees OK.
I just rather not be told about it quite so often because knowing doesn't make any difference.

that darn cloud

seated firmly as I am in my own little world I have pretty much ignored the cloud of volcanic ash hovering high overhead. After all I'm not planning to travel, no holidays booked. However, my mum and dad were travelling, They were visiting a friend in Bavaria and were due to return yesterday. They phoned to say that they were delayed and expressed concern about not getting back on time but my feeling was that they are staying with a friend and they are both retired so why not enjoy their extended holiday.

Dad rang this morning to tell me that they have booked a flight for Friday night but it is to Edinburgh and they would have a long wait for a train home. Obviously, I offered to collect them and after mild rebuttals they agreed. I'm looking forward to my trip to Edinburgh and told them that I would have collected them from Bavaria :)
What they don't realise is that I meant it because I need an adventure.

News round-up

Today was the day we said goodbye to the Land Rover, originally belonging to my brother in law the car came to us when he passed away but it has been worked hard and seemed close to joining it's old owner (using the equation: value of car < cost of repairs). We have bought an ancient but venerable (and spacious) Toyota which seems like a good runner.
We have also said goodbye to my older son's bike (aged 4 months) courtesy of
*his trusting nature
*a mystery 'friend'
*an undisclosed number of thieves

A full report of the above 'none details' will be passed to the forces of law and order who will file it with all haste. Search parties will resume in the morning.

heart on sleeve and make believe

I have always been one to wear my heart on my sleeve, as some readers may know, but anyone who has started reading this recently will not be aware of this because it has been winter here in the northern hemisphere and rather cold. OK, so already people are re-reading that first sentence and wondering just how it makes sense well never mind, we'll come back to that.
One of those facebook fortune tellers gave me some advice earlier. She advised that I discuss my dream with the one I love and there lies the problem or problems. Firstly I have several dreams each night and remember bits of some of them (the good bits) but she may have meant my life dream, my dream future who knows (these fortune tellers get away with a lot by being mystically vague). The second problem is, which one that I love? I love my mum, I love several members of my family, I love some of my friends and I love some more than others. So, is the dream in question the one that really sticks in my mind from last night and if so should i discuss it with my mum (who would no doubt enjoy the level of sexual knowledge\content in my dreams) or with one of my friends who might be surprised\shocked\excited that she starred in my dream.
There again, perhaps I was supposed to discuss my life dream but Mum doesn't need to know yet and the person it concerns already knows. So having said that perhaps it's just as well that I'm not wearing my heart on my sleeve today because that might be a little embarrassing for the 'big crush'.

Oh yes, obviously in winter no-one is aware I'm wearing my heart on my sleeve because I nearly always have my coat on.

out of line

today I was thinking about straight lines, don't ask me why because I don't know I guess i am just blessed with truly random thoughts and this means I can spend long periods alone without getting bored.
Yes, lines, straight ones, boring ones, not a single kink, not a solitary bend and I like kinky, I like a bit of unexpectedness, a few bobbley bits and one or two random changes of direction. The best thing that can be said about a straight line is that it's quick as in the shortest, the most direct route. I like that it's quick because it's over sooner and I can get back to meandering. Meandering, now that IS good it's full of sexy curves and nice surprises, it's serendipitous and serendipity is precious to me because it has adventure and lots of learning, there are no sharp angles with meandering so no nasty corners to bang yourself on every change of direction is smooth and easy and that's the way i aspire to be.
AS I write the story of my life I want to remember that life shouldn't be a straight line birth--------------------death it should be full of curls and loops, it should be twisted and kinky and most of all it should have a healthy dose of unexpected. Yes the story might have me walking off cliffs but I'm writing the next chapter as well and that's the chapter where the parachute opens or the trampoline comes into view.

Hmmmmmmm, yes, straight lines. Interesting