assorted secrets

I sometimes use applications on facebook such as honesty box and truth box (yeah ok I sometimes use 100's of applications but this isn't about my lack of life). It's interesting to offer people the chance to comment anonymously and I always hope that with the promise of anonymity people will be more likely to be honest. The only problem is that when I get into discussions I get a bit stuck because when someone asks me a question I don't know who I'm telling and, the truth is, there are some things that some people shouldn't know.
So these anonymous things are fine for a bit of fun or learning a few home truths but when it comes to revealing my feelings or stuff about me I like to know who I'm telling. I'm actually quite an open person but I'm not good at initiating conversation so I actually like people to ask me things. I never take offence (I might not tell all but will always explain why)and I really do prefer sharing with friends.

Loyalty

there's a relatively new application on facebook which allows you to write nice things about your friends, the aim is that everyone on facebook will end up with a list of 'what we like' about them which i think is a wonderful idea.
Today one of my friends wrote something about me which made my day and almost reduced me to tears i was so genuinely surprised and touched. One of the things she said was that I was loyal to my friends and that gave me pause because i wondered a. who i class as my friends and b. what does loyalty mean.

I have 350ish 'friends' on facebook and I am trying to sort out what to do with them lol) but real friends? I have perhaps 5 or 6 and they are not all on my friends list even though I met them all through the internet and they are all on facebook. So that is a manageable number and I can be 'loyal' to them lol.
Loyalty, to me, is about accepting people as they are with their bad stuff as well as their good, none of us are perfect (me less than most) but in friendship we accept each other as we are and that is important. Some of my friends I have known for a relatively short time, others for a good few years and amongst the few there are friends who I was almost out of touch with at times but could pick up where we left off. I know that we all need to do stuff we don't like or which we find difficult sometimes and part of my idea of loyalty is to accept that and be there when the time comes to pick up. I very rarely offer a forever to someone but for those few friends that is what they have, for better or worse, they are stuck with me.The nature of our friendship may be fluid but the friendship will always be there because in my small group of friends I have people I can trust, people worthy of my loyalty.
And now I'm rambling lol, see, only a real friend would put up with this.

who are you?

just read a post on a friend's wall at FB and it made me think.
The poster mentioned that, seeing my friends name, she didn't know who it was because she only knew her by her alias on another web site.
It made me laugh because I do the same thing all the time and looking at friends on facebook I very often don't make connections until much later. Personally I try to use the same alias as much as possible to improve peoples chances of recognising me.
One problem now, finding people who actually want to know me lol

damn you facebook

Yes, damn you and double curse you for your trickery and your lies.
You take my life and turn it into a freak show you give me friends and tell me they love me\hate me\want me you tell my future, reveal my past, steal my present........
You let me flirt, propose and play but make my every gambit into a button press every bouquet a click. I've shared your cyber coffee and cake, I've ticked your boxes and sold my soul and for what? enhanced scores and popularity points!
you've put me in a world where people receive gifts daily, expensive flowers, firemen and pets exchange hands constantly and any real gift is pale by comparison. you encourage me to tell friends and strangers that they are nerdish, hot, a ten, a one (I tried this on the bus, the doctor says I should be able to use my arms and legs again some day)
Yes, facebook you have reduced my life to a series of clicks. I hate you
Have to stop now, I can see the notifications building up

Can I really have friends who are NOT on my friends list on Facebook?

I use facebook as a background thing and have it on running in the background quite a lot. When I'm bored I tend to trawl the applications and have a play. At the moment I'm using a lot of the applications which ask you for opinions on people from your friend list stuff like Would you hug x; what do you think x is doing now; does x have bad breath etc etc. I came across an application the other day which was slightly different in that it asked stuff like who has made you smile the most; who has had the biggest impact on your life in the past year or who have you been closest too. In each instance I needed to enter the relevant name (in fact it was the same name for all three questions). The problem was that name isn't on my facebook friends list so I'm not allowed to choose it.
So sorry 'Friends exposed' I won't be using you.

Oh and on the subject of these applications if you would rather I didn't answer questions about you just let me know and I'll skip them. Of course then you'll never know if I would kiss you on the lips or cheek, skinny dip with you or make out with you ;0)

Stalkers?

those who know me will confirm that stalking is a thing close to my cold, amphibian heart.
I leapt at the chance to use this facebook application http://www.facebook.com/l.php?u=http%3A%2F%2Fapps.facebook.com%2Fstalkercheck%2F&h=30724749cf8123699d1370ef92c78c7f which tells me who my biggest stalkers are, I'm not sure it's entirely accurate because it works from interactions and excludes page views (you know when you sit for hours just staring at someone's profile picture) and it doesn't include private messages (100 a day just to say I think you're wonderful). It also enables me to see who is 'stalking' my friends but as it needs their permission to access their data I believe that even less.

Anyway,due to the above, I'm not sure it's really about stalking but I do think it gives some indication of who actually interacts with me and it also shows (and I intend no disrespect to Geri who has held the #1 spot on my list for a while) who has to much time on their hands to hang around on facebook

Doing it again!

I'm sure I've talked before about my short attention span and about how I get into something on the net and then get bored.
I signed up for facebook a while ago and threw myself into it with gusto. I was looking there yesterday and find that I have 322 friends (I know a fraction and actually interact with a handful) I am in 40 groups (I visit 2)and I'm getting sick of all the junk.
Time, I think, for a clear out

a world of friends

Ever since I discovered the web I have been fascinated by the whole business of making friends around the world (lets use a wide definition of friend here).
Recently a friend on Facebook suggested that, as a group, it wold be cool to use each others homes as holiday destinations (staying as guests). This reminded me of a similar suggestion some years ago on Bookcrossing. At that time I recall someone saying that it would be safe to stay with another bookcrosser because we were all literary people and therefore safe!
Yes, it's great to have friends around the globe and I might even go so far as to say I would love to visit one or two (in fact I aim to do so) but to trust someone on the basis of their love of books?
I'm sure I'm not alone in having past experiences of 'friends' which were not entirely pleasant and were , on occasion, frightening

time to reflect

As the year draws near it's close it is a good time to reflect upon the past year (and beyond) and to look forward to the future.
If mt life were a film it would be on the old cine reels, difficult to handle but full of colourful memories and beautiful, and sometimes disturbing, images.
I have a tendency to rewind often and to play certain scenes and chapters again and again and each time I do so I feel the emotions of that time but also I see new details, hear the dialogue with a slightly different emphasis or see a character with new clarity so that my future is created with greater understanding and strength.

At the Oscars (yes, I have ambition) the cast list would be to long to thank personally but I would have to thank the people who motivated me, inspired me and supported me and I do so here without the embarrassment ( to them or I) of names.

I experienced great change in 2008 and have altered my perspective but those who I have kept close in my heart have survived (sometimes changed).
As well as the friends I have kept I have also re-discovered old friends and made some new (I have 300 friends on Facebook now and I actually know some of them).

Thank you old friends and thank you too, new friends.

am I a man of mystery?

just recently I was exchanging 'getting to know you' type imformation with a new friend on facebook (yep surprised me that there are real people there too). I also started following a new blog and the blogger furnished a great deal of imformation about herself.

So, it occurred to me that people put a lot of effort into putting together imformation and at the same time many people probably find it hard to ask about stuff (well I do anyway)

As a result of my convoluted thought processes I have decided to make one of my periodical offers to my reader, where ever that reader is.
b
Ask me anything and I will give you an honest answer (most likely here but possibly by some sort of private medium)

shame on me!

because I'm idle and care not for the rights of my fellow humankind I have decided to do a small experiment (just for my own amusement) .

I have started to add everyone who facebook suggests as a friend to my 'friends' I am going to see how long it is before it suggests someone I know.

Of course those who are already my friends here, there or anywhere (yep, both of you!) are unaffected by this idle stupidity and continue to be deeply loved, respected and smiled upon.

After all these years

I suddenly find that in my facebook account I have friends from RL and internet, family and colleagues all in one place.

This is very frigtening because these people could conceivably talk to one another and then all my carefully crafted seperate lives will be exposed