when I was first diagnosed with depression I was (predictably) wondering what the point was and, as I began to make my first recovery I struggled with how the depression had changed my life, taken away opportunities and stained my memories. Depression is such a pointless thing and i really was resolved to cancel my subscription especially as some very special people didn't want me to be sad.
Then I get the second health blow, I suddenly find I have a heart condition and my future options are even more limited.
Either of these health problems is bad on it's own but I suddenly realise the heart thing gives meaning to the depression. people (professionals) look at my heart diagnosis and sort of mutter things like 'this could kill you' they then offer counselling to help me cope. Ha I don't need counselling because I have had a low level depression for years and death no longer holds any fear for me as in:-
'you might die tomorrow'
'that's ok, I have nothing to live for' (Ok not strictly true, I have one thing left and when I get there it will mean I need to live for a very long time)
Suddenly I don't think I'm making sense but at least I've found a way for depression to make me happy. Isn't the human brain an amazing thing?
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