time to reflect

As the year draws near it's close it is a good time to reflect upon the past year (and beyond) and to look forward to the future.
If mt life were a film it would be on the old cine reels, difficult to handle but full of colourful memories and beautiful, and sometimes disturbing, images.
I have a tendency to rewind often and to play certain scenes and chapters again and again and each time I do so I feel the emotions of that time but also I see new details, hear the dialogue with a slightly different emphasis or see a character with new clarity so that my future is created with greater understanding and strength.

At the Oscars (yes, I have ambition) the cast list would be to long to thank personally but I would have to thank the people who motivated me, inspired me and supported me and I do so here without the embarrassment ( to them or I) of names.

I experienced great change in 2008 and have altered my perspective but those who I have kept close in my heart have survived (sometimes changed).
As well as the friends I have kept I have also re-discovered old friends and made some new (I have 300 friends on Facebook now and I actually know some of them).

Thank you old friends and thank you too, new friends.

arggggggggg!

tis the season to be jolly. Jolly busy and jolly knackered.
I'm struggling to be here, there and everywhere and I'm sure I'm not alone in that.
I remember thinking, beginning of December, hmmm, must start sorting out Christmas soon.
So now it's 20th December, I have yet to shop and the house needs a massive tidy.......

Anyway, what I really came to say is that I wish anyone who happens by here and even those who don't a happy, peaceful and relaxed Christmas. I have appreciated the friendship which has been given so freely and the love that flows so copiously and will attempt to blog more about my reflections on the past year soon (well, as soon as I get Christmas done lol)

shrinking violets

A few years ago I was on holiday and decided to go for a session in the spa. It was continental night so all attire was left at the door. Sat in the sauna chatting with a middle aged woman (I never thought I'd be able to have a normal conversation with a woman while we were both naked lol). We were watching people jumping into the cold (and I do mean cold) plunge pool and, as is often the case it was a matter of honour for the guys to brave this.
My new friend chuckled and said
'Look at them brave lads they go in there so proud. What a pity they sneak out so sheepishly

a shocking revelation regarding topless girls

this may shock some of you and it may even cause some to start protesting, waving feminist flags, weeping, or tearing off their clothes.

After a long period of deep thought and observation it has been revealed that the reason women have a top to their swimming costume is...............

.........because they're not as strong as the male of the species and can't tolerate the cold.

If you disagree please don't attack me for this pronouncement as I am only reporting the conclusions reached by my youngest son following his school swimming lesson.

Resting teachers

Because of heavy snow youngest son had no school today because the staff couldn't get in.

Yougest commented that it was good for the teachers to have a rest because they never get a rest at school. He reckons they work through all the breaks and late into the night (has he been brainwashed) and told me that only last week he went into his classroom at break to get some fruit and found his teacher almost asleep over her work.

someone stop me!

This morning I have been on a training session on using the new nhs internet portal. It includes the usual self help and diagnostic tools which i foolishly played with.

I have depression (ok, I accept that)
I have a skin carcinoma (hope not)
I have a food allergy (oh no, not food please)

Luckily time ran out but please don't let me near that thing again.

my wife's startling revelation

Today my wife and I went to the hospital to be wired up for our 24 hour ambulatory heart monitoring. when the technician was preparing to attatch the electrodes to my chest she shaved a small area (no doubt as a kindness when the time comes to remove the adhesive pad). I commented on this hair removal to my wife and she looked at me with genuine puzzlement and said 'oh, she didn't do that for me'

I know I'm not the most observant of people but how did I miss this lush growth on my wife's chest?

net sex

An older relative of mine who often needs to talk to people about moral issues due to his job wanted some information about attitudes to sex and so turned to his computer. There are no children in his household and he isn't very savvy about filters and safety on the net so he got up google and typed sex.
He tells me he was shocked and embarrassed by the results lol. I told him about making his searches safer so hopefully if he gets stuff like that again it will be because he wants to hehe. Obviously I will be putting the word on my labels for this post jus tso that I can get me some of those hits.

I'm exposed

At the moment the library van is parked in a very open spot and it is extremely windy.There is a steep drop to my right. If I never blog again please look for me.

stress

I was telling my manager that, at some stage in the near future, I would be having a 24hour heart recording as part of the investigation into possible genetic factors in my son's heart condition. The idea is that you are wired up to a portable device and get on with your normal activities. My manager suggested that whilst wearing the device I might be better not driving the library van as that wold be a cause of stress.
Two points: The doctor wants me to undergo the stresses that I have normally so that he can see how the heart copes and I don't find driving stressful. The fact is that I feel more stressed when I'm a passenger, this is probably because passengers have no control and not, I hasten to add, because of my colleague's driving.

support your local traders

This morning I visited my favourite coffee shop, coffee shop 55, you won't have heard of it because it is unique and it is local but I swear it serves the best coffee and cakes you'll find.
Now I am going to buy lunch, I will buy my lunch in the local sandwich shop and I will walk past Subway to do so.
I don't like big chains, they are faceless and they destroy variety, if I want a bacon and egg sandwich then I want it to contain real bacon and fresh egg, if I go to Subway I will get processed rubbish.

Don't get me wrong, I enjoy a MsDonalds and when I'm in the city I will happily buy my coffee in Cafe Nero (best there is) but I dislike seeing these chains with all their publicity machine moving into small communities and turning them into souless malls.

rant over.

children,drinking and integrity

Now I'm going to go all parental.
My youngest son takes a packed lunch to school and for the past two days I have given him a bottle of diluted juice (dandelion and burdock flavour). Yesterday the lunch supervisor wouldn't allow him to drink it because the rules say no pop (soda). It's not pop he tells her to which she replies that he is a liar.
This morning I label his drink to say that if there is a problem identifying the contents they should contact me rather than question his integrity.
I have just had a call from my wife telling me that the head teacher refused to let him have his drink today on the grounds that it is pop.
My wife can get very angry.............

am I a man of mystery?

just recently I was exchanging 'getting to know you' type imformation with a new friend on facebook (yep surprised me that there are real people there too). I also started following a new blog and the blogger furnished a great deal of imformation about herself.

So, it occurred to me that people put a lot of effort into putting together imformation and at the same time many people probably find it hard to ask about stuff (well I do anyway)

As a result of my convoluted thought processes I have decided to make one of my periodical offers to my reader, where ever that reader is.
b
Ask me anything and I will give you an honest answer (most likely here but possibly by some sort of private medium)

The heart of my family

Spent a couple of days last week visiting the hospital regarding Jack's (my youngest)heart problem. We have seem a genetacist and a sa result Partner and I will be having 24 hour heart recordings. We have already had ECG which showed that we both have a slightly lengthened QT gap (the doc said that mine might be due to me being an athlete lol).

I just keep thinking how weird it would be at 46 to be told that I have a heart condition which might wipe me out in my teens unless I begin treatment

promises, promises

I've just had an e-mail offering me the chance to drop 2 dress sizes and I am determined to use the information there-in. I will shortly be contacting selected female friends to inquire as to the size of their dress so that I can arrange for it to be dropped.
It seems a bit mean that I can only drop 2 but maybe I'll get other chances.

at last

received a parcel today containing the poetry anthology containing my poem.
I have decided that if every contributor buys a couple of copies then the publisher will have made money, it's not vanity publishing but almost lol.
At the end of the day I feel proud that I can see my work in print (even if no-one else does!)

Celebrity status

have you noticed how easy it is to become a celebrity. Looking at the current crop it seems that if you do something particularly badly, exhibit gross stupidity or sleep with someone famous then you are a celebrity.

What a pity! there was a time when celebrities were people to admire because they did something well or had worked hard to gain something (sometimes against great difficulty).

seem to me that we might as well all be celebrities now so I'm just going to chose something and mess it up.

Hey perhaps I could be famous for writing terrible blogs

blogging. What's it all about?

some people have very strong, definite views about what they like and what constitutes a good blog. I've known people heap praise on a fellow blogger for having the funniest\most touching\most informative etc etc and I have not the least problem with that, those bloggers are funny, informative, sensitive etc.

For myself, I have a problem with maintaining interest and so I like a blog that can, at various times make me laugh, cry, think, act more responsibly.
I tend to see 'one string' blogs as a bit 2 dimensional, yes they do what they aim to do but I am looking to 'know' the blogger and I want a more textured view.

shame on me!

because I'm idle and care not for the rights of my fellow humankind I have decided to do a small experiment (just for my own amusement) .

I have started to add everyone who facebook suggests as a friend to my 'friends' I am going to see how long it is before it suggests someone I know.

Of course those who are already my friends here, there or anywhere (yep, both of you!) are unaffected by this idle stupidity and continue to be deeply loved, respected and smiled upon.

I like being a child

the last couple of poems I've written have been for children and a comment was made that I should treat poetry seriously and write on a deeper level.
It made me feel that I shouldn't put them on my poetry blog but then they ARE poetry, they are what I'm writing and enjoying and I LIKE BEING A CHILD

my scribbling

I have finally started putting some of my senseless cognitive\literary rambling on my musing toad blog. I say begun because I've only put two on there so far.
I have decided that i should just put everything on there and not try to decide if individual pieces are worthy.

wasting time?

Yesterday i needed to dash down to the supermarket for a few 'essential' bits, it was a busy day for both me and the supermarket and I for one was feeling particularly stressed. When I reached the 10 items or less check out there was a massive queue and stress levels were high.
Standing in the queue, watching people I realised that this was probably the first time many of us had stopped all day. Suddenly queueing was a positive experience, a time to take a breath, get thoughts in order and relax.

An update on my Brother inLaw

I mentioned a while ago that my B-I-L was ill and was having quite delusional ideas.
Yesterday his doctor finally agreed to visit and returned soon after with a psychiatrist and two social workers so that they could section him under the mental health act. Because the doctor believed BIL to be threatening they also brought a number of police officers. BIL could not understand why they wanted to put him in hospital and surmised that they were unaware of his divinity, because they were insistent he did become aggressive and consequently 4 police officers attempted to restrain him. One officer was bitten but they got handcuffs on him and dragged him down the street (in his underwear) to a police van. we have now found that between the house and the hospital the police found it necessary to use CS gas spray on this frightened, very ill, handcuffed man.
my MIL is obviously very distressed and she and my partner are considering making a formal complaint.
We are relieved that he is now in hospital and can begin the treatment to stabilise his condition but we are also very angry that he had to become so ill before anyone could\would do anything.

getting used to the good life

Now that we have internet access on the library van I am feeling very spoilt but I have just realised that there will be few days when I can really take advantage. This is because we usually work in twos and I have just had a lucky run of being on my own lol.

My regular partner is brilliant but the problem is she is a webophile too so there will be handbags at dawn.

employment for a surplus blog

Did I ever mention that I have three blogs and that I have difficulty throwing stuff away?

Well I have decided that I am going to start putting my poetry (forgive my pride in calling my scribblings that)onto my existing blog 'A musing Toad' there-by making use of a currently underused resource and collecting my jottings in one place.

Oh, except that I will keep some jottings hidden because they were never meant for public consumption.

Please be patient as i don't do anything fast these days.

On running a mile

As I mentioned in an earlier post my kids all did the junior great north run yesterday. I did the run with Jack because he has to have an adult with him. As we crossed the start he grinned up at me and said 'I've waited for this all my life'

Throughout the run he constantly reminded me that winning isn't important and that it's more important to raise money for charity. I was impressed by the fact that he smiled continually all the way around.

later I told him how proud i was of all my children and he told me that I should be proud of every child that took part not just my own because they had all done so well.

This time I'm in a support role

We are about to set off for newcastle where the kids are all doing the junior great north run for various charities.

Wish them luck!

see you all soon x

how much excitement can one toadee endure

woohoo, today the old library van drove into the 21st century!
We are now officially live which means we can issue books in real time on the library service server and more importantly we are on the net so guess which toad will not be bored at work lol

I am on cloud 9

received a parcel from the wonderous Morgetron yesterday with fun stuff to amaze and amuse me.

Best of all it included a SIGNED photograph of the morgasmic one herself *sigh*

Is this love?

every week and elderly couple come onto the mobile library. She reads avidly he never touches a book but every week he escorts her to the van, carrying her books and sees her safely aboard before announcing that he will pop over to the shop to see if the paper is in.
Every week she tells him to be careful and to watch the road. When he returns he sits quietlt with his paper while she chooses her books and chats and then he helps her down the steps and carries her books home for her.

It's been a long day

Today I have been taking bets at Tottenham Hotspur (London). This is one of the many little jobs i do in order to keep the family fed and watered.

The job was remarkably easy and the welcome was very warm. My abiding memory of the day however will be the journey down. It wa my first time (and hopefully last) of being passenger in a car doing 150mph in fog

dashes in.......

just calling in to blogville to administer hugs (and the odd slap).

I am tired and I have an early start in the morning as I am working in London.

More later
x

Just one question

Saw an article in the paper which said that a motion to make Yorkshire day (1st August) a national (bank) holiday has passed the first milestone in Parliament as it has achieved 100 signatures.

Now I am a proud Yorkshireman but i have a counter proposal and that is that Halloween be made a holiday as it falls in a fairly empty time between summer and Christmas and represents many ancient beliefs of this small island (oh and it's my birthday hehe)

So, the only question is should Halloween be a national holiday? or should it be an international holiday?

Carefree days, playful,fun
lazy times 'neath summer sun
little thought, no future planned
hot days and nights go hand in hand

hand in hand through autumn trees
hiding from the chilling breeze
snuggled up with books and wine
preparing for a darker time

Through the darkness,
holding fast
seeking warmth
in bonds that last
remembering much brighter days
good friends both voice and spirits raise

But as we slip on icy verges
we see hope then spring emerges
washed and cleansed by gentle rain
the world is new, life starts again

Toadee goes posh

along with my family i attended a charity ball lat saturday and had a great time. The ball was raising money for a number of charities and i was really proud of the fact that my family were involved with all 5 charities. My brother organised the whole thing and i was deeply touched when he annonced to all present that i had been his inspiration, strange really because i've always seen him as achieving many of the things I would have liked to achieve.

I also helped to raise money by helping with a fun casino.

why do I have 3 blogs when i can't even write one?

answers on a postcard please.

I have decided that my collection of blogs is a symptom of some deep psychological condition. Now to find out what it is lol.........

stressed and tired

that's me!

last night I spent about 4 hours with my brother in law who had come over to convert me to his belief that a number of alien hybrids are on earth posing as ordinary people. He is busy writing to the government and making plans and has enterd into a pact with bilibob (his pronounciation) to give him the power to control the world.
Last week a doctor, who was really an alien gave him a mind altering substance disguised as anti-biotics and managed to wipe his memory so that he would have no knowledge of the aliens or their plans. He counts himself lucky that the flashbacks from earlier LSD usage have given him back the memories.

He has suffered from psychotic type illness for several years but I think this is the worst he has been and I am worried that he may harm himself or someone else.next of kin can ask for a psycharic assessment but his mum seems reluctant as he has said he woould kill himself rather that go into hospital.

work and play

Last night I was working at a wedding in Sheffield. I was dealing blackjack. It was a small wedding and a friendly crowd so I really enjoyed it.
One thing that made a big difference was the hospitality of the venue, immediately on arrival my colleague and i were offered refreshment and another drink later on. Some places you have to beg for a glass of water even though you are working for about 3 to four hours straight.

Thank you City Limits for a lovely welcome, I hope I get the chance to visit again!

A pleasing gift

Sophie, my daughter, received a wonderful gift the other day from her friend roisin (who prefers to be called Tiffany apparently).
tiffany presented Sophie with a BEBO! yep, she designed and set up a BEBO account featuring pictures, videos and lovely comments. I think it was a very thoughtful gift and it definately proves that gifts don't have to cost the earth.

poem - half a world

So many wished for meetings
plans of what to say
if you weren't a distant dream
half a world away

A life so carfully scripted
where love has paved our way
except that you're a distant dream
half a world away

but when reaching hands fall short
soul song might hearts belay
and you'll be my forever dream
only half a world away.

about my last flash 55

when I wrote the touch it seemed like i was in the room watching, wanting to stop what was happening.

That girl was a close female relative. She was in hospital having had a near fatal asthma attack and a group of people from the church decided to 'pray over her'
She relates that she was ubable to move or cry out but that she remembers their hands all over her.
These days there is a protocol in hospitals where-by this cannot happen without expressed permission from the patient or their next of kin.

the touch (55)

The girl gasped
her lungs fighting for oxygen.
Around her the group watched.
As one they reached out laying their hands on her struggling body.
Whimpering the girl lay rigid as they began to murmur and press their hands onto her.
The leader spoke
'and so we beseech thee, o lord, let her be healed.

it's my trumpet and I'll blow it if I want to

ok, it's not a major deal but......

I'm having one of my poems published in an anthology.

I won't make anything from the deal but I welcome the affirmation that i wrote a poem that was judged good enough.

running in the family

it's only a few months until the family do the great north run.
This year everyone has chosen which charity to support.
Jacqueline and I are running for SCOPE (cerebral palsy) as our nephew has the condition
Rebecca, Sophie and Jack are running for the British Heart Foundation (due to Jack's heart condition)
Lauren is running for Meningitis UK (as our nephew lost his baby daughter to this disease last Christmas)
Tom is running for Hearing dogs as he wants to support their amazing work.

There will be lots of competition for sponsors lol

another wholesale theft from my good friend KB

You Should Be A Poet

You craft words well, in creative and unexpected ways. And you have a great talent for evoking beautiful imagery... Or describing the most intense heartbreak ever. You're already naturally a poet, even if you've never written a poem.

What Type of Writer Should You Be?

showing my age?

I've noticed of late that teenagers don't drink anymore. No, they get piised, off their faces, arseholed etc. It seems that the aim of drinking alcohol is to get so off your face that you simply can't remember what you've done.
Now don't misunderstand, i have been there and I've also pretended to not remember (hehe) but I also enjoy remembering some of the fun i've had and I wonder why there is such a need to wipe everything out (especially at 13 years of age)

Hello!

I'm back, what do you mean ws I ever away?

Now for the awesome job of catching up.

Unlike some of my friends I cannot offer a sumptious feast of photography based on my holiday but that's only because IO no longer have a camera. Perhaps when the rest of the family get home I can steal a few snaps.

Even if you lot haven't missed me, I've missed you hehe

xxxxx

no change there then!

Just to let you know, I am going away for a short break.
The family is going camping in Northumberland which should be lovely.

You will probably not notice because i am here so rarely these days but I just felt compelled to tell you because making announcements makes me feel all important.

I assure you of this, although i may be seldom in your blogs those of you whom i hold in affection are constantly in my heart and those that i hold in disdain can have a welcome break from my seething hate hehe

Scary thought

As we reach that point that every parent loves (the beginning of the long summer break) I can't help but be grateful that my children receive a good education and that they have all achieved so much over the last, difficult, year. Sometimes schools don't notice and report on the really important stuff so I have sent the reports back with a comment that i am proud that my children have retained their sense of humour and humanity throughout another long year.

Tom deserves special praise because at the leavers assembly prior to his leaving primary school he saw another boy crying and was the only one in the school to get up, go over and give the boy a hug.

Oh yeah, the scary bits

On a global level, how few children get the chance of education
On a personal level, September brings the prospect of 5 children and five different schools. So lots of parent evenings, meetings, letters, trips, uniforms etc lol

shamelessly cut and pasted from KB, read? me?

The Big Read reckons that the average adult has only read 6 of the top 100 books they've printed. Well let's see.

1) Look at the list and bold those you have read.
2) Italicise those you intend to read.
3) Underline the books you LOVE.
4) Reprint this list in your own journal/blog so we can try and track down these people who've read 6 and force books upon them ;-)

1 Pride and Prejudice
2 The Lord of the Rings - JRR Tolkien
3 Jane Eyre - Charlotte Bronte
4 Harry Potter series - JK Rowling5 To Kill a Mockingbird - Harper Lee
6 The Bible
7 Wuthering Heights - Emily Bronte
8 Nineteen Eighty Four - George Orwell
9 His Dark Materials - Philip Pullman
10 Great Expectations - Charles Dickens
11 Little Women - Louisa M Alcott
12 Tess of the D'Urbervilles - Thomas Hardy
13 Catch 22 - Joseph Heller14 Complete Works of Shakespeare
15 Rebecca - Daphne Du Maurier
16 The Hobbit - JRR Tolkien
17 Birdsong - Sebastian Faulks
18 Catcher in the Rye - JD Salinger
19 The Time Traveller's Wife - Audrey Niffenegger
20 Middlemarch - George Eliot
21 Gone With The Wind - Margaret Mitchell
22 The Great Gatsby - F Scott Fitzgerald
23 Bleak House - Charles Dickens
24 War and Peace - Leo Tolstoy
25 The Hitch Hiker's Guide to the Galaxy - Douglas Adams
26 Brideshead Revisited - Evelyn Waugh
27 Crime and Punishment - Fyodor Dostoyevsky
28 Grapes of Wrath - John Steinbeck
29 Alice in Wonderland - Lewis Carroll
30 The Wind in the Willows - Kenneth Grahame
31 Anna Karenina - Leo Tolstoy
32 David Copperfield - Charles Dickens
33 Chronicles of Narnia - CS Lewis
34 Emma - Jane Austen
35 Persuasion - Jane Austen
36 The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe - CS Lewis
37 The Kite Runner - Khaled Hosseini
38 Captain Corelli's Mandolin - Louis De Bernieres
39 Memoirs of a Geisha - Arthur Golden
40 Winnie the Pooh - AA Milne
41 Animal Farm - George Orwell
42 The Da Vinci Code - Dan Brown
43 One Hundred Years of Solitude - Gabriel Garcia Marquez
44 A Prayer for Owen Meaney - John Irving
45 The Woman in White - Wilkie Collins
46 Anne of Green Gables - LM Montgomery
47 Far From The Madding Crowd - Thomas Hardy
48 The Handmaid's Tale - Margaret Atwood
49 Lord of the Flies - William Golding
50 Atonement - Ian McEwan
51 Life of Pi - Yann Martel
52 Dune - Frank Herbert
53 Cold Comfort Farm - Stella Gibbons
54 Sense and Sensibility - Jane Austen
55 A Suitable Boy - Vikram Seth
56 The Shadow of the Wind - Carlos Ruiz Zafon
57 A Tale Of Two Cities - Charles Dickens
58 Brave New World - Aldous Huxley
59 The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-time - Mark Haddon
60 Love In The Time Of Cholera - Gabriel Garcia Marquez
61 Of Mice and Men - John Steinbeck
62 Lolita - Vladimir Nabokov
63 The Secret History - Donna Tartt
64 The Lovely Bones - Alice Sebold
65 Count of Monte Cristo - Alexandre Dumas
66 On The Road - Jack Kerouac
67 Jude the Obscure - Thomas Hardy
68 Bridget Jones' Diary - Helen Fielding
69 Midnight's Children - Salman Rushdie
70 Moby Dick - Herman Melville71 Oliver Twist - Charles Dickens
72 Dracula - Bram Stoker
73 The Secret Garden - Frances Hodgson Burnett
74 Notes From A Small Island - Bill Bryson
75 Ulysses - James Joyce
76 The Bell Jar - Sylvia Plath
77 Swallows and Amazons - Arthur Ransome
78 Germinal - Emile Zola
79 Vanity Fair - William Makepeace Thackeray
80 Possession - AS Byatt
81 A Christmas Carol - Charles Dickens
82 Cloud Atlas - David Mitchell
83 The Color Purple - Alice Walker
4 The Remains of the Day - Kazuo Ishiguro
85 Madame Bovary - Gustave Flaubert
86 A Fine Balance - Rohinton Mistry
87 Charlotte's Web - EB White
88 The Five People You Meet In Heaven - Mitch Albom89 Adventures of Sherlock Holmes - Sir Arthur Conan Doyle
90 The Faraway Tree Collection - Enid Blyton
91 Heart of Darkness - Joseph Conrad
92 The Little Prince - Antoine De Saint-Exupery
93 The Wasp Factory - Iain Banks94 Watership Down - Richard Adams
95 A Confederacy of Dunces - John Kennedy Toole
96 A Town Like Alice - Nevil Shute
97 The Three Musketeers - Alexandre Dumas
98 Hamlet - William Shakespeare
99 Charlie and the Chocolate Factory - Roald Dahl
100 Les Miserables - Victor Hugo

so I make that 44 read

oh no!

I came into work early ON A SATURDAY! to use the computer to catch up.

it's iffy about posting on blogger, won't let me open google chat and is being jolly slow.

I'm am thrice cursed

they seek him here they seek him there

of late I have been a bit of a blogging pimpernel, a literary zorro. zipping in when not expected, laving in flash (although not with a flash which would be bit naughty).

I would love to Say that my erratic behaviour is due to deeds of daring do or matters of mystery and import, perhaps saving maidens or righting great wrongs.

Alas I have been here little because the mundanities of life have bested me.

I have, however, missed my blogging brethren greatly and I do feel in need of the love and the hugs I always find here.

I intend to resume my late night coffee drinking in order to be around in tune with the other side of the world.

love you peeps

xxx

someone's hero

Was busy on Monday helping my brother move house, being an experienced driver of large vehicles has it's (dis)advantages.

As fate would have it Jack, youngest son, was unwell so he came with me. Jack is something of a philosopher (for a seven year old) and as we came over a hill revealing a view of our home city he said 'I wish we could stay in this second forever because everything looks so good'

Later as we picked up the van he commented to the man at the hire company ' my dad knows everything about vans'

sigh :)

consulting the all seeing librarian

Mrs X came onto the library van today. She returned her book, a self help book on stopping smoking but judging by the aroma preceding her it isn't very effective.

'have you got any good books?' she asked
'what sort of thing do you like'
'good books'
'do you like stories or non fiction'
'stories-good ones'
'errr, thrillers, romance, historical....?'
'well have you got any good books?'
'errrrrrrrrrrr'
'oh, I'll take this one'
with that she picked up a guide to kitchen gardening and took it off to her gardenless terraced house.

want some fun in your life?

Here is a fun competition.

head on over to Morgetron's place where she is running a competition which should be loads of fun.

If you know Morgy then you'll know it will be a treat, if you don't know her run away while you still can.

remember 55

Remember to smile
not just because you should
Remember to laugh
because even old jokes hold joy
Remember to sing
with your heart not your mouth
Remember to trust
because hope is the future
Remember the child we were
is locked inside
and we hold the key

Always nurture that spark
without which we age

dancing the night away

We went to a dance last night which was great fun, even the teenagers enjoyed it (although I'm sure they would deny that).The highlight of the evening was Jack on stage with the band doing some cutting moves and charming the entire crowd. I wish i could adequately share with you all the joy and pride I feel.

Multi-faceted

It sometimes strikes me as weird that i can write blogs of totally different character at virtually the same time. I like to think this makes me multi-faceted but perhaps it really means two faced lol

Rollercoaster

Life is always a bit of a rollercoaster ride and I've had my share of ups and downs but I want to share that at the end of last week I had my first major down for quite a while. I had, naively, thought that I was over my anxiety and depression. I was off the medication and back in full time work but then, wham, a quick sudden dip on the Wednesday (pulled up short by a chat with someone close, thank you dearest friend) and then double wham, a major melt down on Thursday just as I arrived at work and leading to me being sent home.
It scares me but I know that these phases pass and that I am not alone, I feel ok now although still a little shell shocked.

slowly getting there

Having been beset by computer problems for ages (many due to my ignorance) I now have two working computers (one even has sound hehe) and I can manage some short blogs)so here I am

one of the good things about children

I love it when the children are young enough not to have heard all my jokes.

Suddenly my old chestnuts are funny again YAY!

(oh and when I say chestnuts, I don't want you ladies getting excited hehe)

hidden heart 55

For safety and a quiet life
immune from things that hurt.
I hid my heart to keep it safe.
I locked it away so it couldn't be touched.
Steel doors, sealed tight
reinforced hinges, the most ingenious locks
gigantic bolts,iron chains.
All welded closed for eternity.
Trust you to squeeze through the open window

the world is conspiring against me

here I am in the library but..... they are having computer problems and can only log the computers on at a high filter level which won't allow facebook and deems all my favourite blogs as inappropriate. Considering a conversation I had recently with a dear friend regarding appropriate content I find it mildly amusing and very frustrating that her blog is classed as adult only by the local councils filter system.
Elsewhere in my life I have been busy dealing with broken down cars (2) nd blocked sewers (1) as well as ill children (3).

I am now able to get some limited access to blogging at home so if I can get the family to sleep I will try to catch up.

Love some of you and miss some of you and the unlucky ones qualify for both

here is a definition of frustration

normally on a wednesday I spend my lunchtime in the library on the internet but today my library van has broken down so I'm in the office. I have just discovered that the office computers don't allow gmail chat (or gmail at all!) so my plans to seek out affable company to wile away the hours (minutes) have come to nought. My apologies to those who would have received my attention, I will try to talk again soon x

invisible

since coming in from work I have asked various members of my family various (simple) questions but have not received any acknowledgement so, what to do with my new found power of invisibility?

I'm torn between going to take a peek at KB's bondage bra here or popping in to Morgy's shower room to she exactly how she manages that shaving lark here

Any suggestions for other places I could lurk?

a different flash55

Stock report - Wall Street

The launch of PORN

Much excitement for traders.......movement swift..........swift growth in key areas..........dealers moving in and out regularly............pressure to develop the market........focus on highlighted areas although lip service to other areas of interest..........peak expected imminently........analysts expect sudden explosion of interest followed by withdrawal...........ends.

not good

we have recently discovered that our youngest son, Jack, has a heart condition called long QT syndrome which, especially when undiagnosed, can cause collapse and sudden death. I tried to blog about this the day we found out and it was the sort of piece you would expect from a parent who has just been told that their child could die at any moment. Luckily for you all the computer wouldn't let me publish the entry.
Having spoken to the consultant at length Jack has now been prescribed beta-blockers which will lessen the risk enormously. He will never be a pilot or an astronaut but he can get on with his life because the medication will stop him 'overdoing' things.

We are still very upset and frightened but Jack is leading the way in looking to the future, he is a star, everyone who meets him loves him and he has a great future.

so the car is not going anywhere for now

when the car breaks down there is automatic panic. How will we cope?
Soon after the panic I begin to realise that; I'm getting more exercise, I'm saving money,becoming more creative about finding local entertainment, I'm actually worrying less and I don't have guilt trips about damaging the environment

please don't think me forward

I just want to give you guys a big, long hug

busy busy busy

I'm still having to rely on library and relatives for internet access.
Have got two birthdays today, youngest son and niece (it's a bit weird with it being her first birthday since her dad died, so we are busy preparing the feast.
Bank Holiday weekend approaches and it looks like I'll be working every day. saturday is my regular job, Saturday night I'm doing fun casino, Sunday and Monday hopefully agency work for the council.
I was thinking I'd have a bit of money for once and then the car broke down yesterday. Typical lol

Will check in when I can.
Love some of you and tolerate the rest hehe

xxxxxxx

a very special friend

today is KB's birhtday and I just want to say there never was a better friend. She has always been someone with whom I can share both happiness and sorrow and come away feeling that the world is a good place.
Np birthday gift could ever adequately reward her for being who she is but I just need to say that she is appreciated and loved by this sad excuse for a Yorkshireman (even if she is Lancastrian lol)

dreaming and hoping

took my daughter to the auditions for x factor 2008 yesterday in Manchester.
I see these mass auditions as a shortcut to dreams, thousands of people who believe in themselves and believe they could make it. I met people of ever age and race, those who sing for everyone and those who were taking a first big step,all brought together by a shared belief that dreams can come true.

I didn't enjoy the experience.We sat in the stands at Old Trafford for 8 hours, freezing cold, and watched the very occasional scream of delight but mainly all we heared were sobs and it was as though we could hear so many dreams shattering.

Anyone who auditions is taking a chance and they have to know that there will be rejection but I hope that all those people continue to believe and keep on singing because a world full of song, whether the judge thinks you are good enough or not, is a happier world.

No, my daughter didn't get through but she is lucky, she has a family and many friends who love to hear her sing and she is already planning next year.

a flying visit

still no working computer and not a lot of cash to throw at the problem.

Just calling in to say hi and let you all know that I'm really missing you here

xxx

Frustration

you know that feeling when you badly want to do something and you can't.

That's me with getting onto blogger at the moment.

I so want to write my tripe and respond to comments from my dear friends but the computer isn't playing. I am in the public library to write this but I am going to beat seven bells out of my home 'puter later lol.

love you all (but some more than others lol)

it was once said that Britain was a nation of shop keepers

Easter morning, the children complete the annual easter egg hunt and begin to catalogue their booty. Moments later there are 5 children selling unwanted chocolate bars etc to anyone with spare change.
I bought loads and will save it until they ask for chocolate and then sell it back to them at a profit hehe.

Born to read?

whist flicking through the list of borrowers on the mobile library i came across a miss Turner........first name? Paige.

Bunny Girl (55)

she looked good enough to eat
I had to have her
I wanted her so badly
my every fibre yearned to taste her forbidden delights
I held her
touching her dark silky skin
I lowered my mouth
I felt her softness and realised
it's never a good idea to hold a chocolate rabbit to tightly

HAVE A GREAT EASTER

Whatever the significance of easter to you I hope that all my friends (yes both of you) have a wonderful easter and that life and the easter bunny are kind to you.

friends

was doing a rough count today and if i count up my friends lists on the sites I use I have around 200 friends. Great!

But then, some I haven't spoken to for several years, some won't speak to me, some I won't speak to, some I have never seen on line, some i only know their name (screen) and so it goes on......

On the bright side, of the 82 'friends' I have on book crossing I am still talking 1:1 with 2 which is a tribute to their patience, understanding and forbearance.

I guess i will have to do a bit of weeding and get used to looking less popular lol

one of those days

We discovered this morning that the filler cap was missing from the library van so before we could fill up with diesel we had to go to the repair place for a new cap. After leaving there I took a mini roundabout a little to enthusiastically and mos tof the books on one sid eof the van relocated to the floor *whoops* I'm sure I heared a rude word venture forth from my colleagues mouth!

thought for a moment I was a naughty toad

when I got into work on Monday the boss said that it appeared that i'd forgotten to lock the van up on Saturday and that someone had been on (although nothing was missing). I thought I'd blown it and messed up on the job until we discovered that other vans had been entered and all the locks were broken.
I've never been so grateful to a would-be thief!

After a couple of weeks on the job

typical, is it not, that having worked on the mobile library for two weeks I find that I am hardly reading.
I spend each day surrounded by books and, indeed, I continue to be draw to many diverse titles. The trouble is that I am to busy at work and to tired when i get home.

After all these years

I suddenly find that in my facebook account I have friends from RL and internet, family and colleagues all in one place.

This is very frigtening because these people could conceivably talk to one another and then all my carefully crafted seperate lives will be exposed

I'll take it as a compliment

last week I stopped at the petrol station after a stint helping the bookie, I was dressed in a suit and was in collar and tie. The cashier (who I know through the boy's school) commented on how smart i looked and then said that she had been about to blurt our something terrible. Being an inquisitive toad I asked her to be brave and blurt regardless. She said that she had very nearly asked me if I was working as an escort!
I told her that I considered that an enormous compliment as those who think I have the necessary attributes to be an escort are few and far between.

The new job

Having completed one week of my new job on the mobile library service i can report that I am still alive and not bored yet. I think the job has possibilities and I might even continue to enjoy it.

My February winner

There was a clear winner of my referrer prize for February.

Finally it was that blue eyes blonde from the land of the long cloud, your favourite and mine, KB (I think she managed to win by having less holidays lol)

In shock!

I have actually managed to log into blogger for the first time in a week!

Now what was I going to say......

from Mucky to Booky (via Bookie)

OMG what a terrible title!

anyway just to let you know that today I said farewell to those lovely wheelie bins and from Monday I'm on the mobile library AND IT'S A PROPER JOB!
I will still be assisting the bookie at football games and hopefully I will have some more blackjack to deal but mainly I am a mobile librarian(and I'm scared stiff)

A feel like a stranger

I haven't been around much of late because my computer has decided to severely censor my blogging to the extent that it won't let me log on to blogger at all.
I have got round the problem by using an old computer we picked up for twenty pounds.It's not fancy but it works and I'm here!

rose in winter (55)

You appear
a lonely point
in a bleak scene
a focus for our vulnerability
and our hope.
The pale beauty of your frail flower
shines bravely in the darkness
dispelling winter's gloom.
Your scent brings peace
and if we nurture you
give you warmth,
nourish you
you will offer a gentle promise
of brighter days

my 55. Nothing

In certain moments
when the world is resting
when a stillness holds sway,
the atmosphere inert.
Life and living
in perfect equilibrium,
a single, still moment
when silence surrounds
to maintain a void.
Empty head,
empty heart,
there is nothing to say,
or write.
Speak silently in simple tongue,
write wisdom with an empty pen.

take responsibility!

A terrible item in the news. A baby girl (less than 2 months old) was killed by her father who had systematically physically and sexually abused her. Over 30 professionals had seen the baby and some had flagged concerns about abuse\potential abuse but no-one had actually done anything.
An enquiry has determined that no-one is to blame for the oversight as it was an failure in the system.

What the hell do we pay doctors, nurses, social workers for, the system isn't to blame it's the people in that system. Why have people stopped taking responsibility?

I am not politically correct

there I've said it!

I do not treat all people equally. There are some beliefs I find totally not to my taste, there are some things men do better and others that women do better. I will be more ameanable to a smiling person and I will be even more amenable to a smiling lady and further more I don't think it's wrong for a woman to use all her assets to get what she wants.
No-one has an qautomatic right to my respect.

I could go on.... hehe

Stop me!!

there is something bubbling up inside, I am getting powerful urges, I am on the verge of surrendering.

I feel an attack of acute honesty coming on, I'm trying to fight it but don't be surprised if I start saying stuff which sounds sincere

The ugliest bin delivery man ever

there are only three of us delivering bins around the city and each morning we chat as we load up the waggons for the day.
Strangely the main topic is often women, either griping about partners or lusting after any woman who isn't your partner lol.
Something I've noticed though, I am the only bin delivery man who doesn't get propositioned every single day!

danger stranger

just the other day I was busy delivering my beloved wheelie bins when a young(perhaps 8) girl started watching. She asked me questions about what i was doing and told me which was her house. She asked if she could stand on the tail lift for a ride.
I asked why she wasn't at school and she said her school was closed but all her friends were at school.
She went on to tell me that her mum was at home but asleep in front of the tv and then asked if she could rid ewith me......

OMG! don't people teach their children about danger from strangers any more.

Your Help is always needed

I hope that you have all paid a visit to Winter Rose please keep supporting and promoting the site and the song, it really does make a difference!

an offal 55

(with thanks to Jesse for giving me the idea!)

I only saw you briefly as you appraised my sausage but I loved your rump and I've never seen a better presented breast or leaner leg.

So, if we meat again (and if you don't think I'm fowl or a complete ham) I will give you all my heart and perhaps we can liver little

just a poem

I wandered lonely
no romance
seeking just one kiss, one dance
but I couldn't win a heart
so I decided I'd depart
and find true love
away from here
I'm packing up
with not a tear
I'm going to move to Mills and Boon
where men are men
and women swoon
where love is just a gasp away
the sex is hot
and no one's gay
The sun always shines
the people tanned
bills and traffic jams are banned
Handsome sheiks with many wives
and all of them with bedroom eyes
the nurses simper
their bosoms heaving
when they hear that Dr Love is leaving.
Ever man is rich and fit
with chiselled jaw and charming wit
perfect hair
and deep blue eyes
washboard stomach
muscled thighs.
Women's lib?
no need for that
no single parents
unsightly fat
every lady is complete
perfect figure head to feet.

I tried to move there
I really tried
but those oh so perfect folk inside
locked the gates and barred the doors
they couldn't cope with normal flaws.

top referrer

January saw Chica-x as the top referrer to my blog. She has been added to the very slow list of people to award wonderful prizes to.

sweet love 55

Slowly, gently
he reached out
tenderly he touched, explored
soft skin yielding
each soft hair exciting his questing fingers
His lips part
his tongue already anticipating the frail, soft flesh within
imagining the taste of the sticky, sweet juice
As if from far away her voice intrudes
"are you actually going to buy that kiwi?"

what do you think?

following on from my previous posting about my writing ability.
I realised that all poems submitted to the site are available for public rating so follow the link and give your opinion please
MY POEM
be honest, I can take it lol

comment on my writing

I recently submitted a poem to a poetry site hoping that I would get some constructive feedback or (fingers crossed) win a prize.
Some time later I received an e mail rejecting the poem and I quote

'try to choose a recognised style'
'read some of our poets and look at how they use verse'

I was a little hurt but I know that poetry is a very individual thing.

I then submitted a second poem and today I received an e mail announcing that I had won an award! I felt so excited.

Opened the e mail and found that my 'win' entitles me to purchase an award pin, a plaque and a watch in recognition of my achievement.

*sob*

a dark 55

The night is my friend
I embrace the velvet darkness
my cohort
my guardian in all my deeds

Dawn sees me hide
quaking
becoming small
unsure
my eyes burned by visions of reality

Weeping
shaking
I wait for dusk
welcoming my friend
cautiously at first
peeping through slitted eyes

In darkness
I need not see

an apology

due to a technical hitch it is possible that extracts of my very private dream\fantasy world diary may have been published on here. If you should see any such blogging please be assured that it in no way reflects reality and that the toad is not changing his warts

sex in the swamp

I am getting tired of being a sex symbol. Ok, at first it was fun, what guy wouldn't want the attention of a bevy of hot women and there are advantages to being able to get anything you desire just by slightly raising an eyebrow and flashing that winning smile but I am more than a collection of body parts (no matter how well crafted and sizable they may be). I long to talk to a woman without her undressing me with her eyes, I wait eagerly for the day that I can get into a lift with an attractive woman and not have to promise her minor sexual favours in order to stop her jamming the mechanism between floors with a well placed stilletto.

pocket lint

I suddenly find that it has become vitally important that I investigate pocket lint so please help me by answering my poll ------------>

future in depth investigations will include toe nail clipping sculpture and the development of symphonic dual tone belching as an alternative to musical ring tones

My blogging word is waking

It has truly been a cold and frosty time around my blogging world and I have been finding it difficult to motivate myself.

yesterday I had a chat with a wonderful friend who I haven't managed to spend time with for ages and today, venturing into blogdom at a different time to my normal time, I chatted with someone who I have never had a chance to chat with before but whom I admire as a blogger and as a person.

All in all my blog spring is arriving and I think this crusty old face might crack a smile :)

Difficult and unpleasant

that was my morning because today we attended the coroner's inquest regarding my brother in law.

There were no surprises, the verdict was that he killed himself. It's just about facts none of us can ever truly appreciate how he was feeling and the thoughts that lead him down this road. He is gone we must continue.

Flash 55: For that special someone

Like the returning sun
after a long, cold winter
you filled my days with warmth and joy
you drove away my demons
you illuminated a world of beauty
bade me turn my face to you
to feel your caress

I close my eyes now
and like the summer sun
you are imprinted on my eye.

I'm having a period

a period of no inspiration.

please forgive my lack of content, life has been all about concrete stuff of late but I will muse anew shortly.

As a freestyle blogger I don't have to apologise for my lack of content but it IS something to write so it's worth doing.

I am determined to do a flash 55 this week as it has slipped by the way-side and I find it a useful tool for getting the old juices flowing.

on a happier note

I have actually got a proper job!
you may now call me MR senior mobile librarian!

It's only for 1 year but who knows what tomorrow brings

Goodbye to a friend

Our dog, bradley passed away early hours of Monday morning. I think it was a peaceful passing, I hope so.
We still don't know what was wrong with him but we will get the results of the tests in about 5 weeks and then we will know if we need to get checked out.
Bradley was less than 5 years old and it was terrible to see him so ill.
We cremated him yesterday (cremation was the only choice due to infection risk) and we have him in his urn with some flowers.

send some good luck please

I have an interview in the morning for the post of senior mobile librarian, luck would be appreciated :)

Get back!

My poor dog is very poorly, the vet thought it might be cancer but now they have found a myco-bacteria, I'm unclear what this means but we have to contact our doctor as it can be passed to humans and some myco-bacteria are classed as notifiable diseases (the most well know being tuberculosis)Once they have confirmation we will all have to be screened.
The poor dog (Bradley) is so weak he can hardly stand and it is likely that he won't survive the surgery and tests he has to have.

We have to tell people that there is a possibility of communicable disease in the house and babies, the elderly and people with poor immune systems should stay clear.

A challenge for you all

my job, over the past few days, has been servicing sanitary bins in offices and clubs. What a wonderful opportunity to explore the forbidden territory of the ladies toilets hehe.

I needed to service the facilities at a lap\pole club but when I arrived the only person there was one of the dancers, recently arrived from Latvia her grasp of English was fairly basic and she didn't have a clue what I wanted to do.

Here is your challenge: How would you convey, through word and gesture what your job was?

I might tell you how I did it if you are good!

my bestest referrer

December's best referrer was Missy (Morgy came second but there ain't no prizes for second!)

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!

I started my year in the very pleasant surroundings of Oulton Hall hotel surrounded by lots of resonably wealthy people, I hope the affluence rubs off a little.
Met some jolly nice people (congratulations on your engagement and your amazing win Julia and friends hehe)